Sexless In Seattle

There’s Something About Mary

Love is unpredictable. We never know when it will happen or who it will happen with. One day you can be swiping through Tinder and then boom, Cupid’s arrow hits you right in the face. Enter Mary.

We matched on Tinder and I knew right away it was meant to be. My first thought was there’s no way a girl this beautiful is going to want me, she must have swiped right by accident, but to my surprise, she messaged first! Not only that, she thinks I’m cute! But like all Disney love stories, this princess needed rescuing. Unfortunately, for these villains, this prince has a very particular set of skills, none of which are really applicable to this scenario, but I’ll do whatever I can to save Mary. To save love.

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It was apparent these thugs planned on kidnapping Mary to get a huge ransom, but they didn’t….plan….on me.

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They left me no choice but to lay my vengeance upon thee. My strategy: write a very stern message. It appeared to work because they quickly retreated, but don’t worry, I got the last word.

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I never heard from Mary or her kidnappers ever again. Sometimes I like to think that when I’m looking at that app, that she’s somewhere out there looking at the same app too. Wherever she is, I hope she’s ok.

 

 

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Written by Silent Riot

Categories: Sexless In Seattle

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