After 5 years of vigorously kicking your liver, cholesterol and dignity square in the balls, the clock has struck midnight. The Cinderella story that is college, has come to a screeching halt and your post collegiate life looms ahead. If you were lucky enough to convince some corporation that your “sales specialist” role in college wasn’t just walking away your hangovers working retail, then congrats, you’re on the verge of entering the working force of America. That’s the good news. The horrible news you may ask? The 4 day benders,Formals and Stumbling to class at 11 a.m. is all over. You college kids just don’t get how good you have it right now. Look, I was in your shoes once; A 5th year senior, battered down by the collegiate burdens of peeing your pants 4 nights a week while donating blood plasma for beer money. The real world sounded like a sanctuary, a safe haven if you will. Spoiler alert: It’s not. Plot Twist: It’s a f****ng Nightmare. A two-year nightmare that I’ve yet to wake up from.
From the time that 6:00 a.m. alarm violently ear bangs its way into my sleep, until I drag my feet out of the office at 5, I am literally dead inside. 10 hours of just getting bent over the barrel, getting pounded by corporate America.
College is the real American dream, my friends, and you poor souls entering the sad, detrimental saga of the 9-5 grind are about to be introduced to the “SUCK.” Go to grad school, trade school, f****ng carnival school; I don’t give a shit, just delay real life for as long as possible. Cherish it, for the love of God , cherish it. Before you know it, you’ll be as miserable as the rest of us. For some of us, it’s already too late. Keep on keeping on Jockeys, it’s Friday.