As a conspiracist, the better half of the human population may elude that professional sports are too “Main steam” for old Uncle Ant. On the contrary, half the population are not even humans, so touché’ mother f****rs. That being said, uncle Ant takes pleasure in streaming professional athletics on his PC as big brother cable plays a vast role into governmental control. That’s a theory for another day. Each and every Sunday, my day is consumed by the mediocrity that is, The New York Jets. Yet, I allow myself the glimpse of optimism that the following Sunday will have a different outcome. However, the sad saga continues as the rest of the league runs a clinic on Gang Green. All while Leaving the horrendous taste of a burnt condom sliding down my esophagus as the jets finish 5-11 good for the 8th overall pick.

Fast forward 4 months. NFL Draft: The New York Jets select Sam Darnold.

SAM DARNOLD! Holy shit, the jets didn’t f**k this one up! Gang Green has finally invested in it’s franchise building piece that is not a defensive nose tackle.  The Jets will play second fiddle to none, we finally have a piece to build around.

Fast Forward another 4 months.

Matt Stafford and the Lions.

As I watch Darnold sashay across the field this past Monday,  T- bagging the city of Detroit wearing his glorious Green and White, it hit me. I know this f****ng  guy. Not only is Sam Darnold the now savior of New York… He’s also the savior of Middle Earth. Oh, ears all perked up now eh?  Sam Darnold is Samwise Gamgee, the heroic hobbit hailing from the Shire.

Just gander at the two portraits below: The Alabaster skin, apricot hair and the gaze that could pierce the soul of Belichick himself. These are just the tangible’s. Tack on the leadership, sheer will and the quest for the one true ring; leaves no doubt in my mind that Sam Darnold is actually Samwise Gamgee.  As the wise Tolkien once said, One Ring to rule them all. Here’s to the Super Bowl mother f****rs.



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Written by Uncle Ant