Cubicle Chatter

Sloppy Sauce: Sea of Urine

 If you would have told me when I was 6 years old that 15 years later, I would still be pissing my bed, I would have called you a liar. The said truth is, It wouldn’t be a stretch to say I wet the bed more now as a 21-year-old college kid than the bright eyed 6-year-old I once was. Normally when I pee myself, I just roll out of the soak filled bed and exit the dungeon that is my room. Typically, depending on the humidity of the room and amount of sunlight entering windows, dry time can take anywhere from 12 to 36 hours. If you sleep alone, the only inconvenience is to yourself, being you have to literally sleep in your urine because you aren’t mature enough to wake yourself up and use the restroom. However, If you have a significant other, this is where things can get tricky. In terms of myself, I do not. (shocker)  That being said, even the saddest of squirrels sometimes find a nut. That’s right, I was lucky enough to find myself in the arms of a beautiful vixen this past weekend. Waking up with a freshly plopped kiss on my lips, a fresh glass of orange juice poured for me followed up by some breakfast in bed. Sounds like a dream doesn’t it? Well, it fucking was. A fresh kiss was not my alarm clock Saturday  a.m. A violent kick in the ribs was my morning greeting followed up with a ” You pissed the dam bed!!!!!”  shit, shit, shit! I mutter to myself. Then denial starts to set in, Maybe I sweated a lot last night? Maybe, I spilled a drink? Maybe, this is all a fucking set up, a cruel joke she is playing on me!? That’s it, has to be it! As I watched her meticulously creep around the mattress spraying it with fabreeze and disinfected spray, realty sunk in. I pissed the bed. As I begin to attempt to salvage any chance of seeing this girl again, my apology begins. Like your mother telling you to go to your rooms when you were a child, this girl, the love of my life I just pissed on pointed to the door ordering me to leave. In the end, this weekend ended the same; full of urine and disappointed girls. Can’t wait to see her on campus tomorrow morning.

                                        Submitted anonymously 

 

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