I’m just going to come out and say it, living amongst the rest of you in todays society blows massive penis. To be honest, I’m not even confident I can say shit like that anymore without offending someone. This misguided paradox society is currently stuck in,  makes me long for the fabled “good ole days” where you could say whatever the fuck you wanted and life went on. In case you’ve been residing under a rock with Patrick starfish, the rest of the society despises the millennial generation. Like an accessory to murder, I see it first hand and let me tell you, it’s fucking bad. Ideally,  I’d like to make my case to these baby boomers and defend my generation but with the way we’re headed, I feel obliged to wave my fist with the rest of them. To put it politely, we Fucking SUCK!

Here I am, 25 years old and 25 pounds overweight wasting yet another night away at a college party chasing skirt. Typically, this leads to me being rejected thus starting a downward spiral of me chasing an everlasting drunk that violently turns into me pissing myself . However, that isn’t the point I’m reaching here. Point Is, Here I am being the oldest guy at this party and realize, no one is actually at this fucking party. Sure, they may be there physically but I shit you not every one of those young whippersnappers is staring at their damn phone. Checking Snap chat, creeping girls Instagram’s of which they will never sleep with and Some of these mother fucker’s are chasing a victory royal on Fortnite Mobile. These kids aren’t at this party, their mentally checked into the fucking matrix. They’ve taken the  blue pill and now are eternal slaves to the machines of technology. Meanwhile I’m watching live action of Cindy twerkingthe cabinets off the wall while the rest of the party is checking what Sarah ate for lunch on Instagram. Shit, don’t you ever morn the days where you just lived in the moment and didn’t have to document it. PUT THE FUCKING PHONE DOWN. Here’s a tip, get off Bumble and try to wheel a real, breathing human girl at a party rather than trying to pork her via cyber. Speaking of Bumble, where the hell did our manhood go? An App where we have to allow the girl to approve of us before striking a conversation. That’s some real reverse sexism. At best, I’m a hard 5 but if I want to chase a 10, I shouldn’t need some app to grant me permission. However, I’ll digress, that’s another post for Sexless In Seattle.

You think this shit is bad now, I promise you, this generation will become even more gruesome and vile. We are so  so fucking checked out it’s fictitious. Here’s a rational thought for you zombie hipsters, take the red pill and stop being a cog in the machine. Life becomes a much more enjoyable experience once you take the blindfold off, become self-aware and get your avocado shaped head off your fucking phone and back into reality.


Written by Belly Boo