It was the battle of the cats: The jungle cat of Charlotte vs the striped feline of Cincinnati.
As I basked in the glory at Bank of America Stadium this past Sunday aggressively yelling and throwing left over Bojangles at the seldom few in burnt orange, I felt something I had not felt in a longtime. Confident. No, not with females, my job security or my appearance. confidence in the Carolina Panthers. That’s right baby, you heard it here first, the cats of charlotte are fucking back! After I watch Fitzmagic’s head implode into the pumpkin that is his Cinderella start, order will be restored. We turned the red riffle into a red fucking rider this Sunday with 4 picks. Even Alligator Arm Funchees got into the end zone, not before dropping a 3rd and 7 ball. My sweet McCaffrey actually decided to play running back today instead of wide receiver, pounding out 184 yards. Can I get a MEOW! Cam did what Cam does best, dance in between drives and dress the part of a 1973 porn star director in his post interview.
Let me just leave you with some saber-metrics here. The kitty cats now have a better record than the following teams: Patriots, Browns, Bills, Falcons, Ravens, Seahawks, Giants, Steelers, Eagles, Titans, Texans and Martha’s 8 year old son’s bowling team. That’s right, eat shit Martha.The cats are back baby and they are here to stay. After the Beast’s Buc’s luck runs out tonight as they get shit pumped by the Steelers, The NFC South will be up for grabs. The fierce jungle cats of Charlotte are putting cases on everyone. Pelican Bay bitches. Enjoy the flight home to Cincinnati you yellow belly losers! See you in February, Super Bowl.
Stay tuned for tomorrows segment of Meltdown Mondays