Sexless In Seattle

The Swipe Test

One of the biggest decisions you will ever have to make is whether or not you move out of your hometown to a big new city. The decision can be especially tough if you don’t know anyone, but the reason you move will ultimately outweigh all of that. Whether it’s for a new job or just a change of scenery, you want to pick the city that is right for you. To guide your decision, I recommend conducting the swipe test.

What is the swipe test?

Simple. Visit whatever city you imagine yourself living in. Explore the food. Explore the bars. But most importantly, explore the tinder/bumble scene. Swipe as much as you can within each city and see how many matches you get. You don’t have to actually meet anyone, you’re going for volume here.

The more matches you get, the more you’ll fit in. Think about, who wants to move to a city to be the bottom of the totem pole. You want to move somewhere where you have plenty of options, and not just any options, good options.

Not following? I’ll give you examples:

New York: I swiped until I got more “You need to wait 24 hours to swipe again” messages than people to swipe. Not a single match. I’m pretty sure everyone was busy that week. Plus I remember hearing on the news that there was something wrong with the internet lines. Regardless of the reason, 0 is no good in any city. I now take these results and add them into my “what city to move to equation”. Extremely high rent + extremely cold winters – my ability to mate = probably not moving there.

Dallas: Swiped a decent amount. Matched a decent amount. And the ladies I matched with, pretty cute. Dallas is a city of young professionals (like myself). So what does this tell me? Occupationally I fit in, and believe it or not, I also fit into the dating scene. Dallas is hotter than the devil’s G-string, but the fact that I fit in there moves it to the top of the list.

Arkansas: R2, R2, L1, R2, Left, Down, Right, Up, Left, Down, Right, Up. I swear, it was like I entered the master cheat codes. Swipe. Match. Swipe. Match. Swipe. Match. I had to put the phone down. What did I do? Is this a glitch? I swiped one day and got over 20 matches. When you look at them sober, not the best of the crop. Yeah I may clean up here, but do I want to be the cream of the crop? You never want to pick a city where you do too well. It’s like the saying goes, never be the best looking guy in the room, or the smartest, whatever. Don’t go to Arkansas.

The point of this story kids is don’t just move to a city because the good looking people you follow on Instagram moved there and had a great time. Move to a city because you belong there and don’t want to remain Sexless in Seattle.

 

 

 

 

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Written by Silent Riot

Categories: Sexless In Seattle

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