Cubicle Chatter

Chris Christie is an Eggplant

Uncle Ant is out today, participating in what I only imagine is off the f****ng  grid, so I’ll be filling in for todays Conspiracy lesson: Chris Christie. I know,  at Office Jockeys we typically  won’t pollute your news feed  with the political agenda of today. For that, you have our deepest condolences. Be that as it may, the research I have stumbled upon is just far too compelling to lay this theory to rest. Feast your eyes my flock as I guide you through what just may be, the largest governmental cover-up since Area 51. Chris Christie a government official with mixed reviews, who once prior ruled over the butthole of America; New Jersey.

As you may recall in Uncle Aunt’s past memoir, he expressed that not all of us our from this planet. Some of us, the chosen ones may have ties to the human race, but not all. “Rest assured, Aliens, warlogs, hobbits are amongst us.” (Uncle Ant, Dec 2nd drunk in a wine cellar)  Disagree? You mean to say, you can whole heartily stare me dead in the eyes and make a compelling case that Nicolas cage is human? Not some bug-eyed alien from Neptune? Get the hell out of here. As I sit here writing this scripture with my web cam covered with duct tape to avoid governmental detection, the questions have to be asked. Is Christ Christie your average politician? Or is he in fact a member of the largest cult of all, the Vegetable family group?

Some call him a politician, I call him an Eggplant. Sure, he may have the physical appearance of an eggplant average upper torso followed by some hips that are as the kids say, THIC. Alas, It’s not just appearances that peaked my interest. It’s the way about him, his movement, verbiage, way of life.  Shit, have you seen the man dance? It literally replicates what you imagine an eggplant would look like if it were to come alive and dance. Just listen to that sentence and tell me it doesn’t speak volumes to you. Yet, here we are, in the dark while a living vegetable has infiltrated our government. Spoiler alert, he’s not the only one, Bernie Sanders is actually Warren Buffet, Ron Paul he’s a full blown asparagus. This is a mere crumb in the long cookie trail to the White House.

Next week, check in as I dissect Mark Zuckerberg and his connection to the cult of the Lizzard descent.

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