Booze Hounds

Mystery Tab

A bar tab.  A proud American staple that represents comradery, trust, and fellowship between bartenders and bar goers alike. While a bartender may keep your card to ensure there is no foul play, the tab represents a shared middle ground where there is mutual love and mistakes, made by yourself and enforced by the proud men and woman serving our nation cold drinks. Being the tradition that it is, the bar tab has been a concept of moral conversation since the introduction of the beautiful system. Was the bar tab a blessed gift from Natty Lite drinkin Jesus, or a curse from the dark depths of hell?

A Blessing: One of the best aspects about the tab is that it closes on your time, which is most likely the end of the night. By the time your BAC is high enough to have you drunk texting the nearest McDonalds “you up”, who cares about the amount of dough you’ve spent at the bar it’s now an irrelevant issue your blacked-out self has already forgot about. Truly out of sight and out of mind. Pro Tip don’t check your account summaries after a night of drinking, the damage has been done, don’t let the wells Fargo app make for an even greater kick in the ass after a heavy booze fest. The tab allows for such easy access, essentially, I pay for my drinks with the simple password which is my last name to unlock all the frothy brews I chose. Ordering shots, y bombs, and other performance enhancing drugs of the bar scene has never been easier all thanks to a glorious tab.

A Curse: If boozing on a budget is what your night consists of the tab will be your mortal enemy that night. He’s a liability that you can’t afford to have with you. He represents the unknown, mystery, vague and drunken stupor that will leave you dazed and confused asking yourself “have I spent 20 dollars or 120”. When paying cash, you have the sweet chance to know dollars and cents exactly what every drink has cost, you’ve transformed into a modern-day rain man, crunching numbers and maneuvering around a possibly expensive scene with intoxicated ease. A tab that you are left with amongst friends may take a small business loan to pay off but it’s yet another curse the tab carries with it.

Whichever way you see it the tab is a tool that allows you to grab the night carelessly by the balls and control it the way you see fit, or possibly as a guard rail to protect yourself from falling into a pit of never-ending call liquors with expensive prices. The tab is around and always ready to be our best friend or worst enemy. Cash remains king to some and of course like drinking everyone’s got their own habits so rock on chained to a tab or free, just keep boozing America.

written by Big Zen

Categories: Booze Hounds

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