Cubicle Chatter

Monday Meltdown:Cardiac Cats prevail with the help of 3rd Leg Greg

Can I get a MEOW baby! That’s right, those damn cardiac cats went into the shit hole that is Philly and pulled off the biggest comeback in franchise history. Down 17-0 heading into the 4th quarter I was so enraged and drunk I didn’t know if I should have pissed my pants out of anger or inebriation. Just as I concluded soiling myself, a shot of life hit me, a new team had emerged. The Garfield like feline I watched play football the three quarters prior transformed into the fiercest jungle cat. TOUCHDOWN!

Then I was brought back to reality  our prized kicker missed an extra point. 6-17. Next, the unexpected happened. Alligator arms Funchees extended his limbs and caught the ball for a touchdown! What the f**k is happening!????? Touchdown, Funchess, and  catch all in the same sentence!? This shit is bonkers! After,  Riverboat Rivera pulls down his pants, power points at the Eagles sideline and goes for 2. Conversion successful. 14-17.

Glistening in the blistering sun, the Boston god that is Luke Kuechly and his defense held strong like the 300 Spartans at the battle of Thermopylae. This is Charlotte!

With little hope, 2 minutes and 4th and 10, I’m aggressively drinking wine coolers at this point, ready to pee my pants furthermore. Somehow, Cam I am, scrambles around like he always does and tosses up a pass so delicious Kelvin Benjamin’s mouth was watering all the way from Buffalo. I can only imagine he gets Bojangles Bo Berry biscuits smuggled into his locker by the pounds weekly.

Kelvin Bo Bo Benjamin. Anyways, 1st down! Then it happened, Third Leg Greg pulled out his prized possession and reminded the city of Philly why he was coined this infamous nickname. 21-7! The kitty Kats are now 4-2 with the Flacco and company next week. Will they win? Yes. Will the Cats when the Super bowl? I can’t promise you anything but I 100% guarantee it. Check out Third leg Greg’s mixtape from the early 200’s. Beware of the 7th floor.

Written by DGD

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