Laying the pipe week in and week out, is something I have never been known for. Matter of fact, it’s something I’ve never experienced. The forever dry spell circulating throughout my body will be preached at some abstinence course during a local D.A.R.E convention one day. At this point, I’m just telling people my sexless adventure is an awareness campaign towards the fallen hero of Gotham City, Harvey Dent.

A silver tongue, southern charm and enormous package is not something I can offer. Be that as it may, a sexless lifestyle does have it high focal points…I don’t have STD’S.

For those of you sexual deviants out there, experiencing things I never have and more than likely never will, here’s a little sex education STD’S ranked from first to worst.

  • Chlamydia

Harder to spell than to get, Chlamydia is known as the common cold of the genitalia. Spread by bacterium from boinking, it is amongst the most popular STD amongst college students. The latest fad if you will. Symptoms including burning during urination and discharge. If your pee burns, you’ve been infected. A couple of pills at the campus Clinique and you’re ready to get back out there.

  • Gonorrhea

Trademarked the “clap” in the early 80’s, Gonorrhea is another no biggie. Cured by some antibiotics, this is one of those “LOL” text you can send out to your partner.” Lol don’t be bitter but I may or may have not given you the clap but worry not, its curable! (inset emoji) any dinner plans?”. If you have to get an STD, this would be it.

  • Crabs

Not typical wine and dine at the all you can eat at Pinchers experience. Crabs, is pubic lice. Throw some Nair on the hair and you are cured.

  • Genital Herpes

This is an STD to avoid. Acne of the genitalia. It’s not curable. You don’t send an “LOL” text with this one. I’m not sure what you send. Maybe a sad face emoji.


This is the Cleveland Browns of STD’S. The absolute last thing you want to be associated with.  It’s for life, it’s for real and unless you’re Magic Johnson you will die alone.

Remember kids, there’s only one way to avoid all of these and that’s staying Sexless in Seattle.


Dusty Cummings