Cubicle Chatter

Meltdown Monday: Winston on the Job Hunt

Today marked the over throw of a Kingdom, Fitzmagics kingdom. Fitz and his band of yellow belly jesters left Carolina losers, like the street bums that they are. Before I get too far into this, I like Ryan Fitzpatrick and how could you not? The guy is a 35-year old Viking with the brain IQ of a neurosurgeon. That mother***er is a graduate of Harvard. You know Zuckerberg and him slammed micro brews together back in the day, plotting their plan to conquer the world. ” You play Football, I’ll convince the world I am human and create social media. Just when they’re not looking, we’ll strike.”  When that strike is? I know not but all of us should be petrified when they do. Moving on. Fitz has  like a 9th kid on the way so you know he’s wielding an absolute meat sword under those jock straps. The guy was born in 1982 and is slinging the ball like uncle Rico.

With all that being said, when the Cats play the Tampa bay Fitz’s on December 2nd, I hope he gets bird flu and that bum Winston is forced to play. Hey, I’ll even pay for your LYFT to get to the field since you are banned from UBER. Its’ nothing against you Fitz, I just want whats best for my team and with the ball in Winston’s hands, that’s what is.

Right now my feisty felines are sitting in second in the NFC South, since the Saints are essentially unbeatable as of now. Before we all start meowing at the top of our lungs and growing out our claws for a Super Bowl run, let’s not forget, those pesky Falcons are gaining momentum. Is it time to panic? Yes. Am I drunk? Yes. Will I call off work tomorrow? That’s a given. Will we win the Super bowl? Kelvin Benjamin has a better chance of starting the KETO diet. The point being, we are going to have to finish 11-5 to even hit the wild card this year, which is f***ng ridiculous. Unless Drew Bree’s literally dies of old age in the middle of the wildcard game, our chances of defeating New Orleans are about 13%. Don’t question where those saber-metrics came from. Before I head any further down the boulevard of Broken Dreams, let’s bask in this victory, get aggressively drunk and get ready to lose to Pittsburg on Thursday.

Winston, if you’re reading this, I’m rooting for you kid, not because I like you ,but simply put, you have the ability to single handily derail the Buc’s season even further. While you contemplate life on the bench, here’s a few job opportunities you could pursue after football.

Publix seafood department-Now, you won’t be able to get the five-finger discount but I imagine you get a decent discount for crab legs.

Uber Driver– If you can’t beat them, join them.

Cafeteria worker-You didn’t think I forgot about your cafeteria mischief.

Burger King employee- You could finally pay back that soda you stole in 2013.

Teacher you had quite the motivational speech last year, its time for you to be the beacon for our youth.

motivational speaker Eat that W

Source for you skeptics https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/columnist/mike-jones/2018/06/22/because-his-past-jameis-winston-cant-afford-more-transgressions/725825002/

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