After last weeks’ brief stint at LA Fitness that was one step short of becoming a colonoscopy, I sensed the the Globo Gym atmosphere wasn’t for me. You can catch the recap here

In pursuit to better myself and shed this plump frame of mine into a robust physique, I again sought out to find myself a better life. Enter Planet Fitness. The safe haven for all of us who don’t resemble Dwayne Johnson’s left quad. I Walked in and it might as well have been Peter Lafleur himself welcoming me to Average Joes Gym.


The place just had that “It’s okay to be completely out of shape” vibe. I loved it, thrived in it. They had tootsie rolls at the front desk, which I gladly helped myself too. An all natural pre- workout if you will. Those smart sons of bitches even had free pizza. Evidently it was pizza Monday because that’s a real thing at Planet Fitness. Hey Hey Hey, Diet Starts Tomorrow Bitches! And don’t even get me started on bagel Tuesdays. I’ve struck the damn lottery!

 Free pizza, bagels, out of shape people like myself and $10 a month. Where the f**k do I sign? As I put my John Hancock on the life binding agreement that correlates to Gym memberships, An alarming noise agitated my ears.  Startled, I turned to my Gym consultant and frighteningly asked, “What was that sound?” she then questions me “What sound?” What sound!? What sound!? Are you kidding me? The sound that I imagine is played to fire up a tribe of savages before they invade and pillage a small fishing town. Confused and partly deaf, I looked for clarity. Evidently, it was the “Lunk Alarm.” What’s a Lunk alarm you may ask? The Lunk alarm is an ear piercing siren that is detonated when one gym member is either working out too hard, loud or slamming weights. So you’re telling me I get free pizza, a judgement free zone and I am rewarded for not pushing myself too hard. Good god, this place is perfection. Thank you PF, another enthused member.