I didn’t know I elected to watch the Human Centipede 3 Last night because that game was pure and utter shit. I have been watching Ron Rivera football since 2011 and that by far was the worst offensive effort and execution my eyes were ever exposed too. Next time, plunge my eyes in acid as it would be less painful than watching that despicable performance. I just don’t know how much more of this shit I can take. 6 straight loses…..But wait, DGD, didn’t you stand on your high horse preaching the cats should take a nose dive into the dark pit of defeat!? Spoiler alert: I lied. I f***ng hate losing. Watching the Cats pull a win out on Monday night is all I have before I return to my stressful 9-5 job . I hate watching that play doh face looking Sean Payton and his band of gumbo eating superstars win their 5th straight game against the Panthers. Let me tell you, Sean Payton has the most punch able face in the NFL. I’ll digress.
You know your season is officially over when your running back throws more touchdowns than your “franchise quarterback.” I don’t think I saw Cam throw the ball over 12 yards last night.
The Good: The Panthers are currently sitting 2nd in the NFC South at 6-8, which highlights the sheer disappointment this division has become (excluding the Saints) Currently, they are slated at the 12th pick in the 2019 draft. Lose two more games you ask!? We’d be looking at a top 10 pick, which is what this misguided franchise needs. With the exception of McCaffery and the defense, the only positive I can pluck from last night’s garden of misery is Devin “alligator arms” Funchees played just under 40 percent of snaps and had 0 catches. Get rid of him.
The Bad: 1st quarter, 2nd quarter, 3rd quarter, 4th quarter. Cam Newton
The Ugly: Throwing 4-yard slants on 3rd and 22. The Panthers offensive play calling was a game of chess you could say. Except the Saint weren’t playing chess, they were playing battleship, blowing shit up on Norv Turner’s chessboard.
The Atrocious: The whole offense with exception of #22 was as horrific as a salad from Long John Silvers but Cam Newton was atrocious. He didn’t throw the ball 15 yards down the field because I don’t think he can, he’s hurt still. Bench him. Bring on the tank, get some offensive players that actually will give a shit about winning.
My heart, my brain and my liver is f***ed because of you