It’s a new year and it’s a new you. Time for fitness, health and love. Sure, DGD may have just incoherently rambled that all of you self delusional KETO goers will fail. Guess what, he is right.Cauliflower will lose its luster, the gym will become exhausting and the stress of work will force you to relapse to your old ways of drinking and engulfing cheeseburgers. You’ll begin the first quarter of 2019 as a failure and that’s okay. That being said, us Jockeys thought we’d get in on the fun this new year! Start throwing kettlebells around, snorting Kale and injecting MCT oil into our veins.
Yours truly, DGD along with Belly Boo, The Beast,OC, Jonner Cones and Gambling Galler will all be participating in America’s favorite fat to fit fad, The Biggest Loser. Personally, I hate the idea. I plan to change nothing this upcoming year. I’m still going to fill my veins with cholesterol and continue to stay atop of HR’S “Liability list” at office parties.
However, us Jockeys want to show you just how stupid these new years’ fitness goals can be.
All of us will probably fail. Scratch that, its inevitable that we will. This challenge also gives us the opportunity to ruin each other lives even further. Each person who does not achieve the goal of winning the challenge will have to endure undeniable shame. The rules and consequences are outlined below.
- No Fat shaming
- Weigh in once a week
- Cat 5 tape worms will not be permitted, however, entry level parasites are welcomed.
- Whichever Jockey loses the most weight per body percentage is proclaimed the winner
- Full month of January
- Each Jockey who comes face to face with defeat will have to answer the bell. The rightful winner will decide the fate of each Jockey, what they have to do.
For example, if DGD loses, he will be required to tape 20 Mcdoubles to his body, stand in the middle of the beach and await the hungry seagull’s wrath.
If you have any suggestions for us, please DM us or comment below!
Here’s to failing at our new year’s goals because the Diet Starts Tomorrow.