Cubicle Chatter

The War on Flavored Juul Pods

The year is 1971, and Richard Nixon has just declared a war on drugs. It has now become harder for drug cartels and junkies alike to do business with each other. Fast forward 48 years later and that same war is raging today, but as of November 15th, 2019 the year that will go down in infamy, this war on drugs will take a back seat to a far greater struggle. The great war on flavored goodness aka the war on flavored e-cigs. As I walk into the local gas station to get my weekly fixing of mango juul pods, my dealer Harold from quickie mart informs me that they only have menthol, Virginia tobacco, and mint now. I shrug it off, take a deep breath of the last mango goodness I have left, and proceed to drive to another gas station. I walk in and alas walk out in the same situation. My pupils start to dilate, my skin begins to itch, and I can feel fresh air entering my lungs. I start to freak out and the thoughts begin race, “Maybe this is just a local shortage or something.”

I take to social media and see that the man has finally done it, they outlawed the last pure thing in my life, mango juul pods. In sheer panic I remember that a pod slipped in between my car seat a month ago. So I run outside in my boxers, swing the car door open,and begin to frantically search for some lost salvation. After ripping my car apart I find it, but this is just a band-aid for a gaping wound. I am just one person, I can’t imagine what all the nations high school kids are feeling. What are they supposed to do to get their fix, smoke cigarettes? Hell no, those are bad for you! Welcome to America home of the free where you can buy an assault rifle, but can not buy mango juul pods. Then it becomes clear, Trump isn’t building the wall to control immigration, but to keep all the mango juul pods from flowing in our southern border from the cartels. It’s all apart of a larger conspiracy to deprive america’s youth of the one thing they love the most. Once they control the flavored juul pods, they control America’s youth. The liberals were right, Trump is trying to control the masses by securing the most important resource this country has. Or maybe this is Russia’s doing, and rigging the election was the first step to securing the fuel that keeps this nation going.

I now know what I must do, Take a ship full of separatist like our ancestors did and start new, in a new continent. There we can smoke our mango juul pods in peace and start a country based on freedom to juul whatever we want. So, I get on my computer to take to social media to recruit some other freethinkers and I  see a juul advertisement. I click it and see you can still order flavored juul pods online. Shit, it’s the 21st century you can get anything online. Then I also remember smoke shops don’t follow the law, they probably have them too. Crisis averted smoke up boys!

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Written by Belly Boo

 

 

Categories: Cubicle Chatter

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