You often hear dog enthusiasts say “I wish my dog could speak” or “I’d love to know what my dog is thinking”.  The same goes for cat lovers and really anyone else who has ever owned a pet whatever. It’s really an interesting concept if you think about it. What if that cohabitant that is normally bound to secrecy could suddenly talk? What if instead of tilting their head slightly and giving you a puzzled look they could respond with a actual words? What if instead of a mysterious and unwarranted bark, they could just tell you what they want? Sounds like the ideal situation, but is that really a good idea?

Don’t get me wrong, every dog I’ve ever owned I’ve loved more than most of my human family members. I only hope they could understand how much I loved them and how much jail time I was prepared to do if any stranger ever purposely (or accidentally) stepped on their paw.  That being said, every dog I’ve ever owned was kind of an asshole. That’s probably why we got along so well.

Think about it. Dogs see and hear everything you do in the privacy of your own home. If they could actually speak, you better believe their telling everyone.

A bark is so mysterious. It could mean literally anything. But if they could speak, who knows what they’d say. I have to pee? You look fat? You call that a throw? Yeah girl, gimme dat leg? That’s right slave boy, pick up my poop? I know. Disgusting perverts.

The worst would be finding out the truth. What if you found out the dog you always loved actually hated you or wants nothing more than to escape from that house and run free.

In my opinion, it’s better to keep the dogs silent and love them unconditionally, whether they like it or not.


Dusty Cummings