Sexless In Seattle

Boner Jamz 03: Sex Lullabies

I really should clarify, when I say “Bone zone” I’m really referring to the 2 a.m. game of pocket pool you’ll be participating in later on. The art of picking up broads is comparable to solving a rubrics cube. I’m sweating, foaming at the mouth and by the end I have gotten no where- left confused, lonely and slightly aroused.

Sure, a huge part of wheeling in the fairer sex may be the silver tongue, handsome looks, blue eyes and southern charm. However, this is the real world…and in the real world I obtain zero of those attributes. The majority of us are 10 pounds over weight with poop brown eyes slouching at a desk doing someone’s taxes for a living. Those of us 5.5 average joes, creativity is key. Forget the materialistic ways of the world- Forget what gossip girl and the Kardashian Klan told you. The old fashioned way to win a lady’s heart is to sing her a song. There something about a serenading song that melts the clothes right off of someone. Now, again, the majority of us can’t sing for shit. So, when all else fails, here are 5 songs you can YouTube that may or may not open the flood gates. 1. I just had Sex- Lonely island (feat. Akon)

When scholars look back upon the 2,000’s… this song will be the corner stone. Direct and right to the point, this song highlights not only all the pros of sex but hides the many cons a woman may experience after having this encounter with you. Regret, disappointment, low self esteem and life altering decisions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o. 2.Perfect- Ed Sheeran

I’ll be honest, when I hear this song, I want to have sex with naughty ole Ed. This song really can’t hurt your chances.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Vv-BfVoq4g. 3.The Bad Touch- Bloodhound Gang

The animal planet song (you and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals) this song get’s back to the basics. Who knows, throw this tune on the track and you both may just get back to your animal instincts. You know what they say, Nature Vs Nurture. Nature always wins.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k. 4.Birthday Sex- Jeremiah

Girl you know iiiiiii, girl you know iiiiii, haven’t had sex in a really long time. Truly a masterpiece of tricking your partner into sex. Sneak this one on your girl’s playlist and let life take its course.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYMxOzxKYYo. 5.Thong Song- Sisqo

Truth be told, I am almost positive no one has boned listening to this song besides the Sisqo himself. However, when making the Boner Jamz 0’3 playlits, it’s damn near impossible to leave this 1999 gem off the list.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oai1V7kaFBk.

There you have it you sex crazed perverts- the official Sexless in Seattle boner Jamz playlist LLC.

Categories: Sexless In Seattle

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