Sexless In Seattle

Tiny Dancer

Halloween is a magical time. You get dressed up in the most ridiculous outfit and head out to the local bars to get wasted with other people who look just as crazy. If you’re lucky, you’ll even meet someone and fall under their Halloween spell, but be careful, this charm is not what you think it is.

Flash Back to a few years ago when I went dressed as Tyrone Biggums from the Chapelle Show. If you’re not familiar with the show, just know he is a crackhead. This is my favorite go to costume because if you know who the character is it instantly brings you excitement. If you don’t know who it is, then at the very least the crack head costume should be funny to look at. Above all else, no one ever dresses in this costume so I’m sure to be the only one in a room.

After a few drinks, I begin to feel the rhythm and do my classic two step on the dance floor. Dancing by myself on the dance floor also helps the crackhead image. But then the DJ starts playing a banger. Just as the beat starts to take over me, the crowd parts like the red sea to reveal to me an absolute beauty. This rocker chick was no taller than 5 feet, but she commandeered that dance floor and now there was a large circle around me and her. We made eye contact and smiled. It was on. Webster’s dictionary would define this as a dance battle, but what follows was one for the history books.

The dance floor is no place for a gentleman, so I dance first. I keep it tame for the first round. Don’t want to show all my moves just yet, but I think she knows what’s up. Her turn. I’ll admit, she has some moves, but she has no idea what’s she’s gotten herself into. We went back and forth for two more rounds, but I could hear the song ending so I needed to finish this once and for all. Hope she wasn’t a vegetarian, because that final round I went HAM. I can’t remember the move I finished with, but I do remember the crowd cheering. It was obvious, I won.

After the song ends, we move off the dance floor and start to talk. She’s with a friend, so my friend dressed as Superman steps in to save the day. Her dance moves were great, but conversation was proving to be a weak point. She was not very talkative so most of the answers I received were one word answers. Her and her friend head to the bathroom and promise to be back in a few minutes. Superman turns to me and says “Man she’s dull, she’s not talking. We should leave.” I agreed and we left to the next bar. But I regretted it for so long. The way we met was perfect so I should have given it more than a few minutes. I can’t believe I blew it. The next few months I would remember that Rocker Chick as the one that got away.

Fast Forward a few months later to a regular Friday night. A few of us were in normal clothes drinking at the same bar where I made dance history. All of a sudden, I am approached by a somewhat familiar face. She says “By any chance, did I meet you here on Halloween?”

Destiny, you dirty dog you did it again!! My mystery Halloween princess has returned to me so we can live happily ever after. We spent the rest of that night talking, laughing, dancing. I proposed. She said yes. I picked her up and carried her to the pumpkin carriage and we rode off into the sunset.

Not quite. We talked a few times after that but it was just as dull as the first time. Absolutely no chemistry whatsoever. It appears that the Halloween spell had faded and I was back to being Sexless in Seattle.

image5

Dusty Cummings

Categories: Sexless In Seattle

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.