After a long week, the bar is a great place to let off some steam and just get weird. When you spend as much time at the bar as we do, you’re bound to have some strange encounters. Here are some of those encounters:

  1. Bow Tie Bad Boy: I can’t remember why I was wearing a bow tie, probably going to some preppy themed party, but on this night I was wearing a bow tie. An older woman (over 60) standing next to me at the bar turns to me and says “You look like my son. I wanna bend you over my knee and spank you.” Before I could respond she walked away to go sit next to her husband. Not sure if that was an invite, but I decided to pass.
  2. Flirting with danger: Standing next to a cute girl at the bar, I casually turn to her and say “Hey” hoping that would spark a conversation (I know, master word smith). She immediately responds with panic in her voice “Please I have a family”. You know, the way people plead with the guy robbing them at gunpoint. I know I’m not the best looking guy but that was a little over the top. Whatever. Hint heard loud and clear.
  3. Cupid’s Fangs: I was standing around with a group of friends when two girls try to enter our circle. Not gonna lie, pretty drunk and pretty trashy looking. One of them got handsy real quick. Not at all interested, I tried to step away but she grabbed my arm and bit it. Maybe flirtatious but it kinda hurt. I pull my arm away and give a very shocked and disappointing look. The other friend looks at me as if I’m the whacko for not being turned on by Hannibal Lector and says “that means she likes you, you should take it as a compliment”. Ok, I’ll take it with a grain of salt and a rabies shot.
  4. Smooth Criminal: After drinking for hours in a bar, I feel the sudden urge to puke. I rush into the bathroom but everything was taken, so I puke in the sink. Everyone looks at me disgustingly and clears out. Now that this sink is clogged and filled with puke, I move over to the next sink to wash up. Someone walks in and says “Ew, someone threw up in the sink?” I said “Yeah I know disgusting right, some people just can’t hold their liquor.” Then I walk out. Sucker has no idea it was me.


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Dusty Cummings