Cubicle Chatter

Scratch Offs

Week after week, Galler and Double Down Daddy give you the best tips to bet all your money on the week’s football matchups. Maybe you win some money, maybe you don’t. It’s the fun of the game right? I too have fallen trap to these thrills, but I don’t bet on sports. Sure rollin dice and pullin slots at the casino is fun, but that ain’t it either. My vice? Scratch offs.

Go ahead daddy warbucks, bet your millions on each week’s matchups or live it up and just put it all on red. For me, it’s all about those cheap $1 tickets you buy at the food store. I live in those moments when I’m scratching off that ink to see if my numbers match the winning numbers. Yeah I know I only came here for one thing, but why not turn this trip into my lucky day? Ten dollars in tickets could change my life forever, or at the very least win money for more tickets and keep this gravy train going.

Today I’m feeling like a baller and I splurge for the $2 tickets. Sure that’s less tickets, but the payout is much higher. I’m a simple man, I like the scratch offs with pictures and fun games, so this time I try a new ticket called “Lotteria”, which I assume is Spanish for Lottery. This game requires you to scratch the ticket to reveal pictures that you then have to scratch off in the above grid. If you manage to get 4 pictures in a row (horizontal, vertical, or diagonal) then you win a prize for that row. The top prize here is $30k, but off a $2 purchase those are pretty good returns, so I give it a shot.

The first 2 tickets are fun to scratch, but a total bust. Then the third ticket, I win $5. Not bad, I get half my investment back. I’m excited for the 4th ticket but that’s also a bust. The inevitable truth hits me that the odds of winning are slim to none and the $5 I’ve already won will probably be it. I scratch the 5th ticket and holy shit, $100 dollars. I’ve never won that much on any tickets so this must mean one thing: It’s my lucky day. We’re goin back to the food store.

Overly excited, I cash in my winnings. No one else is excited for me, but I think they’re all jealous. I’m gonna play this one smart, so I ask for $85 back, and request another $20 in Lotteria. My accent was much stronger this time but I don’t think the attendant was impressed. He hands me my winnings and I sneak it into my pocket to make sure no one tries to jump me for my winnings. I take my tickets and rush home. It’s game time.

This time was less exciting. Don’t get me wrong, the 20 minutes I spent scratching and double checking 10 tickets was fun, but I only got $15 in winnings from this batch so I didn’t make my money back. Or did I? I’m still in the green if you consider all the money I won earlier. As long as I keep winning money on these tickets, I’ll keep buying, because even if that $15 doesn’t buy any winners, I’m still a winner. I start to wonder how long can I keep this up. I’ve certainly almost bought the entire roll of tickets at this point so there must be a big winner coming up. I can’t stop now. It’s getting late but I need closure. So I head back.

I request all my winnings on Lotteria! The attendant recognizes me from earlier despite the sombrero I’m now wearing. I tell him you gotta keep rolling when your hot. He doesn’t laugh. My humor must only be funny to the upper class which I’m now in. He pulls out 5 tickets and says that the roll is out and asks if I want my money back. Do I want my money back?! Are you serious?! When I’m on such a hot streak?! Hell no, give me the rest in something else. That was a mistake. Never change games when you’re hot.

No surprise the new game was a loser. But my favorite Lotteria didn’t let me down. In total I came out with $22 more of winnings. I can’t go back now because they ran out of my game, so the streak has to wait another day. The Saga continues.

 

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Dusty Cummings

Categories: Cubicle Chatter

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