Well kids, here we are again. Despite all your efforts, Monday has proceeded right on schedule, swooping into your life to punch you right in the dick. All the mimosas at Sunday Brunch couldn’t make this day get any better. Yet, in the act of trying to be an adult, you go to work anyway. Sure you have a shitty cubicle job, but hey, there’s worst jobs you could have instead. Don’t believe me? Here’s a list of the worst jobs in the world.

1. Sewer Cleaner

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Thought your job was shitty? There’s people that actually are swimming in shit for a career. It’s these sewer swimmers jobs to dive through human waste to clean out any blockages and make sure your sewers keep working properly. These heroes don’t wear capes, but they do tend to contract diseases. Ain’t that some shit.

2. Animal Masturbator

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In order to conduct fertilization studies, scientists need to gather semen samples from animals. They have plenty of options to mechanically extract the samples, but where’s the fun in that. In some cases, one poor soul has to manually stimulate the animal to gather the sample. The pay is terrible and the favor isn’t reciprocated, but hey that’s science baby.

3. Crime Scene Cleaner

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Cleaning up a mess can sometimes be the most satisfying thing in the world, but I get the feeling cleaning up a crime scene is not the same. After the crime scene investigators finish their detective duties, someone is responsible for cleaning up all the disgusting aftermath including blood, guts, and I assume semen. Sounds like Mr. Cleans wet dream, but a general nightmare for everyone else. I just hope that the crime scene cleaner says before every cleaning “You guys are disgusting! It looks like a crime scene in here!”

4. Fast Food Short Order Cook

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In high school I worked at a Burger King for 3 months. To this day, it is still the worst job I’ve ever had. It’s not because you always end up going home covered in grease or because every customer hates you for no reason. It’s the simple fact that it’s the biggest tease in the world. All day you make delicious meals over and over again but never get to eat any of them. In this industry, you never have it your way.


5. Odor Tester

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This job really stinks, literally. How do we know that the deodorants and toothpastes we use actually work? Companies pay testers to sniff people’s body odor and breath all day to check for product effectiveness. Sounds disgusting but you already suffer through your coworkers horrible coffee breath, why not actually get paid.


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Silent Riot