Welcome back to chapter 3 of this song of Smirnoff and Ice- a new twist on the popular books, A song of Fire and Ice (Game of Thrones). Any-whoo, on with the damn show.
As you read last week, the summer theme of 2012 was causing riff raff amongst my community. At the tail end of the summer, there was one item on my extravagant schedule that remained unchecked. Explore the RV that stood adjacent to the great woods we had at the Titz. From what the neighbors told us in our few cordial encounters, this RV had been left abandon a few years back by one of the vacant houses near by. All summer, I gazed out the window sipping my Kool aide and SKOL, just itching at an exploration of this great motor-vehicle beast. A real life Lewis and Clark adventure was in store for me.
I’ve done a lot of ill-advised decisions in my life but when I do them, I typically like to have someone sitting co pilot with me that way we both plunder in the flames. All summer, I tried to convince my roommates that we needed to embark on this journey. For all we could know, King Midus’s silver could be stock piled in this RV. One mucky Sunday drinking amongst the roof, I finally cracked them, they were in. We grabbed some of my old hockey sticks ready to storm the castle that was this great RV.
To our dismay, the RV was unlocked. Are you kidding me?? I’ve been dreaming about breaking into the damn thing for 3 full moons and this obtuse vehicle is un locked?? Really deflated my tires but the mission must be complete,onwards we went. As we entered this unknown world filled to the brim with cob webs, we discovered whomever left this RV, was on the run. For starters, the keys were left in the ignition.
As we scavenged through the rubble, we found an array of peculiar items. from outdated fishing poles to old prescription bottles, which brings us to my next point: Robert O’Doyle. We were able to play some blues clues and figure out who the culprit was that left this RV abandon. His name was Robert O’Doyle. We were also able to make the determination that this man was of the Korean descent or worked for the Korean government. Everything, with exception of the pill bottles were printed in Korean. From fried Kelp to Korean canned sardine’s, Robert O’Doyle was up to something. During our excursion, we also discovered he was quite the snappy dresser as he had an abundance of blazers and buttons downs.Rightfully, we didn’t want them to go to waste so we borrowed them. Little did we know, This decision would lead to a great cost to the Titz Carlton foundation. As we grabbed Robert O’Doyles clothes, we also grabbed a few DVD’s labeled in Korean and one paper shredder he had.
Sitting on the couch in our new Robert O’doyle blazers and a cup of SKOL in hand, the boys popped in one of O’Doyles Korean DVD’s. The blank white cover should have been a tall telling sign this may be a homemade video. Perhaps a Sundance special that became lost amongst cinema. As the tape began to roll, I thought, this has to be koreon porno.It wasn’t. Turns out, it was a Korean made news video that highlighted an angst against the greatest country in the world, America. Propaganda. Robert O’Doyle was a Korean spy living amongst us in San Carlos Park! The government was onto him and they got to close and he split town. The great RV mystery had been solved. To cover our tracks, we shredded the DVD.
As we all woke up the next day, we walked outside to clean up our sins from the night prior and noticed something was off. What was it? Grass not cut? never was. Beer cans in the street? normal. Oh, I know, the enormous RV that had been parked in our side yard for 12 moons was now gone. I’m no conspiracy theorist but you mean to tell me the one time we decide to investigate, the following day she disappears. Has O’Doyle been watching us? Is the government watching us? This goes up way higher than the San Carlos PD.
For the next few weeks, the boys were on edge. We thought any moment, seal team six would storm our house filled with beer box wall paper and well water. Despite our worries, Tom Clancy and company never came. Something worse happened. Reflect back to when we decided to steal his clothing articles. These items had been rotting in our closets, the same clothes this O’Doyle wore while scheming against our country. The house began to change. Pots and pans would move on their own. The sound of doors opening and closing would echo but no one would be home. The TV would turn on randomly at extremely inopportune times. Robert O’Doyle was getting his revenge. I don’t believe in Ghost or Gobblins but I swear to you all, the spirit of Robert O’Doyle is in that house. Right up until the day I moved out of that shit hole (August 2016) I still heard the bristle voice of Robert O’Doyle. For the current residents living in this establishment, tread lightly, Robert O’Doyle lurks in the shadows.
Snag a park rat shirt while you’re here, today $12 only
Stay tuned for Chapter 4: Carlton The Cat