The year is 2011, I’m discretely sitting at the lunch table eating my Otis Spunkmeyer chocolate chip cookie, the best part of my day. I am suddenly heckled by a group of my lunch mates, snakes in the grass if you will. The Tampa Bay Lightning had just swept my beloved Capitals in the second round. ” Holy Shit, the Capitals blew it!”
” Capitals suck, I love my Bolts!” Keep in mind, the majority of these new-found “Bolts” fans still were under the impression Nikkoli Knabibulin (No chance I spelled that correctly) was the guarding the crease. Moving on.
The Capitals were the presidents trophy winner and were sought by everyone to hoist Lord Stanley that spring. However, 99-year-old goalie Dwayne Roloson had other plans and shit on what should have been a glorious senior year present for me. Instead, I sat alone drowning myself in pastries and $1.75 Pizza Hut in the Newsome High cafeteria. Growing up in the state of Virginia playing hockey, this was really stung me. Not so much that the Caps choked once again but more the fact that a vast majority of these fans harassing me were till trying to articulate what offsides was. Well Bolts fans, they say what comes around goes around. I just never thought it would be that Cock roach coach John Tortorella serving up my swift justice 8 years later. I can now go on with my life and stop seeing my therapist from all the trauma I sustained in the spring of 2011. Since 1990, only six teams that have claimed the presidents trophy have gone on to win Stanley Cup. The lightning this year unfortunately became a part of that statistic. Like the Madden cover, it’s a curse. I am still in utter dismay to be quite frank. As much as I DO NOT LIKE THE TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING, this team was absolutely filthy. The team that Yzerman put together in this salary cap era is nothing short of remarkable. Easily the best team since the 2002 Colorado Avalanche. Bolts fans, I know you were not watching hockey at this point in time but look it up. However, despite having players like JT Miller populate your 4th line, Tampa fell short. By short, I mean they got swept in the first round by the 8th seed. To play devils advocate, CBJ has an extremely high chance of making a run at the cup. The Bolts ran into a hot team who outplayed them physically, two years in a row. Bad news for the rest of the league, majority of this team is going to be kept in tact for quite some time. Which brings me to my next point, the fans.
Look, I know more than anyone the heartache and misery the playoffs can bring. Just until last year, I never tasted the sweet nectar of victory. I’ve been a loser my whole life and so were the Caps. I know the majority of you once again, we’re probably not watching hockey in 2004 but you all already have won a Stanley cup. Yes, you choked this year and last year but shut the f**k up and stop burning jerseys. Sure, break some TV’s, raise absolute havoc upon your local community but my goodness, The shit you’ve been posting. Mourn, pleasure yourself using your tears as lubricant but don’t say ‘trade the whole damn team” or burn your jersey. You’re just going to buy another one next season. Trust me, I’ve been there. Lighting fans, I don’t like most of you but I assure you, the bolts will probably win the presidents trophy next year and will be the favorites for the cup once again. That being said, enjoy the greens this summer.
A Caps fan.