Welcome back to another installment of the Traveling Jockey. If you missed last weeks, check it out here.
I was recently in the great states of Pennsylvania and West Virginia for two weeks where I embarked from Pittsburg to Philadelphia with a couple of pit stops along the way. To say, I have a couple of talking points is an understatement. I will guide you through what to avoid and what shit is actually worth seeing. Let’s begin this story at our first stop of Charleston……….West Virginia.
When I heard from the big boys they were sending me off to Charleston, I was pumped. The beaches of South Carolina, the little southern belles at the bar turned me on like no other. My Charleston fantasy’s were rudely awakened when I looked at my plane ticket and it neglected to say South Carolina. I was headed to Charleston… West Virginia. I was in shock for two reasons: first being, I had no idea there was two Charleston’s in the United States and second, what the hell is in Charleston West Virginia? We’ll let me tell you, the place is an old mining town where it’s main attraction was the local hooters which consisted of the local miners flooding in every day at 5:00PM.
I had the pleasure of staying at 5-star embassy suites during my time in Charleston where I found myself sitting at the free happy hour with about 75 other rowdy people whom I can’t imagine were actually staying at the hotel. This is where a large man, well outweighing myself at least, leans over and says,
“son you’re not from around here are you.”
I looked up at him and stated what gave it away? He leans back over and says
“you’re not dirty from the mine’s boy.”
At this point I grabbed my belongings and headed out to Pittsburg.
Pittsburg formally known as the Steel City until Antonio Brown left is a beautiful quaint city, where they feel obligated to paint everything yellow. I really have nothing great to say about Pittsburg other that the food is amazing, and the people are nicknamed Yinzers. I do however have a major problem with Pittsburg. The city’s gambling problem. A recovering gambling man myself, I went to a Pirates game during my visit and came to find out a casino placed right next to PNC Park. It then dawned on me, it’s directly next to Heinz Field where the Steelers play. You might ask, what’s wrong with that? We’ll I’ll tell you what, after a $120 outing at the ball park between 2 beers and 9 hotdogs I was forced to walk by a damn casino. With my pocket light and my debit card yelling my name, I see this old woman smoking a cig and she says,
“hey yinz coming in here or what. “
I will swear to this day she was a ghost, or it was just me telling myself it was okay to gamble away $300 dollars while yelling “I’m catholic I deserve this.”
To sum up, Pittsburg can be one word only “broke”. You might think you would spend more money in New York or LA, but I would have to ask do those cities have a damn casino in the middle of two professional sports outlets preying on the weak? I think not. Defeated and broke I grabbed my belongings and headed to Philly.
Along my journey to Philly I encountered tribes of our nation’s original settlers, the Amish. Let me tell you about the Amish, IT’S A SCAM. These people preach how they live like the original settlers do and they rebuke modern technology. They dress like they are out of the 1800’s and act like they are above the law. Well I have news for you Amish people, for starters, you’re evading taxes days have come to an end and somebody needs to send this to ole Donnie. I was strolling though Laurel Pennsylvania which is in BFE where I came across some Amish in a horse and buggy. Mom and Dad in the form with his straw hat and Amish hipster garb waved and smiled at me. I also noted three teenagers in the back of the buggy all glued to I PHONES. Yup you heard it here first Amish have I Phones and are scamming the American people with their tv shows on a fake mafia. This isn’t to mention half of the “Amish Homes” had direct tv dishes hanging off the side of the house. What’s this for the Amish news network. It’s a large scam so I left the foothills of Pennsylvania and headed to Philadelphia.
Philadelphia is well, interesting. The food is a ten because anything made on a flattop served in grease is a ten in my book, but the people are fucking crazy. I wore a Tampa bay rays’ shirt and I thought I was back in Charleston West Virginia with the stares I received as I walked around. Also, one thing that bothers me is this is a city that adores a fictional boxing character. I didn’t have the heart to tell the guy next to me at the bar that was quoting Rocky and asked me if I had seen Creed. I just stated no sir I have not, but I did see the rocky steps. He smiled and bought me a beer.
Overall Pennsylvania is 6.2 on the travel scale. It’s a nice state but not one I would return to mainly because of the Amish racket scam being run within the borders.
Check back next week where we venture into Nashville.
Categories: Cubicle Chatter