Heading to court is never fun and in 2013, I had the pleasure of going twice. Once for some actions that in the eyes of the law were frowned upon. The second, was with my lovely landlord. If you read last weeks chapter regarding the great walk thru that took place, you’d know our landlord was displeased with our homes current state.

Back and forth we went with our landlord, until finally, we were summoned to court. The walk thru occurred in August and much like the judicial system, everything was dragged out. Our court date was not until october. Keep in mind, although my past roommates were long gone and moved on, I was still living in this home with 3 new guys, paying rent and having to deal with my landlord.. all the while in some legal war with the owner. If you think running into your ex girlfriend at the bar may be awkward, try owing your landlord $7,000 while still occupying his home.

“Hey Landlord, rents on the table. Good to see you. You lose some weight? How are the kids? See ya at Christmas”

“See you in court, Clark.”


The 5 of us headed to court ready to take on a mountain that seemed impossible.

” 18265 Hepatica Rd vs Kaplin.”

Those words echoed from the courtroom like the gusts of a thousand winds. My heart sunk. My balls shrivvled to a blue hue. I never thought I’d be in court twice in my year 20 but here the freak we are.

We headed into a small room, mediation room. Yeah, mediation with our landlord is really going to work out. The man is a monster and we had no intentions of backing down.

Live footage of us fighting off our landlord



So there we sat, 5 on one side, a lawyer, two parents (not mine they said I had to deal with my own shit) A mediator and the main dish of course, our landlord.

Mediator ” Look, we all want this to go smoothly. The lease is over, no one lives in the home anymore and all parties want to move on with their lives. Let’s just get this done.”

Me: ” uhhhh sir, I actually am still in the house living there.”

mediator looks at land lord.

Land lord relucntalty nods head.

Mediator. ” God help you kid.”

For the next 5 hours both parties bickered back and forth on what was to be paid.

 Us “I’m not paying $200 to have one hurricane shutter removed.”

Landlord ” I treated you all like my sons. I was your father figure.”



Landlord “You guys f****ng destroyed this place!!! I am letting you off easy. You should be on your knees thanking me.”

Me: I don’t know if this an appropriate time to do this but I really need to pee and my blood sugar is getting dangerously low. Are there any complimentary snacks? I’d even settle for a ketchup packet at this point. “

Pictures of the house were shown like it was a epesoide of Law and Order. Testomonials and documents were brought to light. I felt like Jody Foster in the accused.

Somehow, our landlord agreed to just take our security deposits. Biggest upset in history since Ayra killed the night king.


On the way out, my landlord chimed in as lets remember, these guys were walking away from this guy forever…. I was still a slave to him.

“Hey Clark,Get the grass cut! HAHAHAHAHA”

Check in next week where this tale of terror really begins to take a dive as the fall of 2013 was the catalyst that turned this house from a mere shit hole to a third world country.

Buy a tank, support the cause and booze it up Park rats. Take 35% off because it’s Friday baby. Use code “donut”

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Written by Clarky