Ahhhhhh, The Atlanta Falcons. Primarily responsible for our early memes in 2017. The Atlanta Falcons used to hold the record for the largest blown lead in human history. Recently, The night king surpassed that as he blew a 3-1 lead in the critically acclaimed fictitious show, Game of Thrones. Be that as it may, the Falcons still own the crown for the largest blown lead, for nonfiction at least.


25 points.

Let that number simmer in your mind. How does one let that happen? That would be like if the United States lost a nuclear war to Iceland. On paper, it’s impossible…..just like coming back from 25 points in the 4th quarter is impossible… but nay, Atlanta prevailed. Here’s why you suck.


Why you Suck: Record

The falcons were birthed out of the smoke of Atlanta in 1966 and have been losing consistently ever since. Sure, the falcons are on the rise. Rise up! They have a dynamite offense led by a franchise quarterback in Matt Ryan. Yet, they always find a way to f**k it up.

“The 2018 Falcons are going to be the NFC team to beat…….. “


  • With all the talent this team does have, it’s astonishing they finish with a losing record, but then again, this is the team that blew a 25 point lead. Born to lose.

Blown Super bowl’s- 2

Wins: 358

Loses: 446

Ties: 6


Super Bowl LI

Ah, Super Bowl 51. The infamous game where you f***ers let Tom brady and the Patriots claim what seemed out of their grasp. Literally, the entire world was rooting for you. I’m a Panthers fan and wanted nothing more than to see a division rival triumph evil. But you just couldn’t eat the forbidden fruit… could you? No, you let those snakes slither back into the game. Websites and blogs  literally made flags that replicated your failure: 28-3.



Your City


Atlanta is a pile of water trash that fronts for an industrialist city. I hate Atlanta.The radius of this heap of trash consists of constant traffic and fans who only give a shit come January, that is if the Falcons are winning. You have one of two types of weather in Atlanta.

  1. Rainy, bitter and cold
  2. So humid your balls are constantly stuck to your inner thigh.


The Falcons could be a very dangerous team this upcoming season, that is if they can put it all together. Despite having Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Mohamed Sanu, Calvin Ridly, and Devonte Freeman… they walk right up to the diving board and belly flop every year. Did I mention they also had Tevin Coleman last year too???? I could see the Falcons finishing 11-5, making a run and possibly even competing for a Superbowl. I could also see them going 5-11 and having a top ten pick. Draft another transcended recurved.That much, they do pick right. Inconsistency should be engraved on their field. Also, your owner reminds me of Jafar from Aladdin.

See you next week.