The Fight Against the Man
I’m undefeated. That’s right, your boi remains a winner in my recent fight against the court of law. A wise man once said “good people do get arrested” and I don’t believe truer words have ever been spoken. While I did not get arrested, I was in what some would call a heated legal battle against the state of Florida, specifically Lee County.
By now, I can imagine most people are dying to know just what happened to put a near perfect citizen like myself in this unfortunate predicament. Well gather round the campfire folks cause boy do I have a story for you. Let’s travel back a few weeks to the sunny day of Friday, March 22nd. The day started off as any other, I woke up and began my daily routine of dreading the work day and dealing with all of Martha’s Friday jokes and how we’ve made it thru one more hell-bent week of misery. I decide that the only way to make this day better is to indulge in a delicious meal from the chicken gods at chik-fil-a.
Everything’s going according to plan, I receive my usual order of 2 number 5 meals and now I’m on my way back to the office. As I go to leave the parking lot, I’m faced with the toughest decision of the day. See to paint a little picture for you, ‘legally’ your only allowed to turn right out of the chik-fil-a parking lot, even though a right turn leads to a dead end. 99% of the people need to go left, because that takes you back to the main road. Truth be told, most people ignore this sign and turn left anyways because you can clearly see both ways and there is no real danger in it. Truth be told, being a self-proclaimed bad boy, I too ignore the sign and decide to turn left as opposed to wasting an additional 2 minutes of time and U-turning. I’m sure by now you know where this story is going, I turn left and before I can even say cowabunga I’m blinded with a colorful array of berries and cherries in my rear-view. Karma is a dish best served cold, so its only right that the officer pulling me over doubles as a giant asshole.
Officer: Son, do you know why I pulled you over?
Me, playing the respectful citizen: Hello sir officer sir, no I do not. Was it something I said?
Officer: Well son, you made a left turn back there when clearly it says right turn only.
Me, an intellectual: Oh, your right, I am so very sorry. I am in such a rush to go volunteer at the homeless shelter and end world hunger that I must have missed that sign.
Officer: Your disregard for authority and the law is appalling, you will be ticketed $176 (that part is actually true).
Me, now visibly upset: But sir, the car in front of me turned left, the car behind me turned left and it makes zero to go towards a dead end. As I say to mom, everyone is doing it.
Officer jackass: Sorry son, I don’t make the laws I just enforce them.
Fast forward 7 weeks to Thursday June 6th, a jubilant Jonnor is seen leaving courtroom 1A with a full wallet and ego as big as ever. As the story goes, I fought the ticket (as is my right according to the constitution or some shit) and won (the officer didn’t show up so the case was dismissed, but still). Got to keep all my money and will never disobey the long arm of the law again. Moral of the story is good people do get arrested, but always make sure to go the extra mile just for a chance to stick it to the man. And if your legal representation is as good as mine, the citation will be dismissed without any further implication. Best of luck fellow citizens, keep on keeping on.