*disclaimer- I am by no means encouraging the public to storm area 51. You will probably get shot. But, you should do it.

Save up that PTO because on Friday September 20th, we’re storming the hot gates of Area 51. As I am certain you have seen, there is a viral public Facebook event calling for all the human race to charge area 51.

“Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All of Us.”

The question has to be asked, what does the Airforce think of all this? They recently fired back essentially saying, “bring it on” but are they equipped to stop this mob of angry homosapians?

Probably, it’s the US military. That being said, there’s a shit ton of untrained people ready to charge the breach.

Sure, Its a stretch to say all 1.6 million people who RSVP’d are actually going to buy a ticket to Nevada, take off work September 20th and storm the hot gates Like Arogoen the King of Gondor.

But could you imagine if they do? Just envision, A colossal of angry humans charging in search for answers and most importantly, the truth. Sure, there would probably be some vast causalities, but, those of us who make it through will see what no human has ever been able to….. the inside of Area 51. The elusive mystery that has haunted us for far too long. It’s time we take back what is rightfully ours.

The golden goose egg question lurks in the shadows……

What’s the f**K is in Area 51?

Space crafts? Mark Zuckerbergs entire family?

Honestly, there could be anything in there and nothing of any magnitude can be left off the table. One thing is for sure, the human race will blow the lid off of area 51 come September 20th.

Will I be joining this parade of crusaders marching to the hot gates of Area 51? Will I be requesting one of my precious PTO days for this?

Absolutely not… I have a career to worry about, none the less I can’t afford any more run ins with the law. To be frank, my life is just far too valuable to lay at risk for the unknown. I also don’t really give a shit about aliens. Be that as it may, I implore all of you, trust your heart and storm area 51. Do it for the rest of us pencil pushers.

Rest assured my friends, I’ll be eagirly watching from a satelite dish cheering you on.

Just because I am a sell out and not joining in on the fun, doesn’t mean my vivid imagination can’t run ammuck on the treasure’s that may be in there. Below are my ten guesses of is behind the hot gates of Area 51

  1. Mark Zuckerberg’s Family

It’s been long speculated the Facebook king is not of this world. Some speculate he is a part of the Lizard Cult but I know different. He hails from a strong line of alien life forms which came down here long, long ago. You think natural disasters wiped out the Dinosaurs? Bullshit. Mark’s alien ancestors did and we’re next. He’s got his whole family stockpiled in Area 51. The time is now, attack.

2. Aliens

This is a given. space crafts, goblins, hover crafts. The whole nine yards.

3. Gary Johnson

I mean, have you seen him since the 2016 election?

4. The entire Scientology church

These guys are  wacko’s and I can only think of one place they sprout from…. the Scientology tree itself… Area 51.

5. Herbal Life reps

The goverment finally got tired of them and locked them in Area 51. Best not let them out.

6. The Zodiac Killer

We never caught him, strange eh? Maybe he’s been lurking in the shadows with ET.

7. Tom from Myspace

Again, where the hell has he been?

8. Nicolas Cage

I’m been long convinced the Cage is not one of us. Raised by aliens in Area 51, then disperced into the world as a “sleeper” just waiting to be activated. First the Decleration, now humanity. God help us all

9. Tom Hardy’s Voice

I’ve seen Tom Hardy act in 20 plus movies and have heard him speak no more than 5 words. The goverment stole his voice.

10. The Last remaining Long John Silvers

I havn’t seen one of these delicious fried fish jubilee’s since 0’5. Where did they go?


Whatever we find, the wolrd will never be the same come Septmeber 20th.


Written by Clarky