Just seems like yesterday we were telling Alexa to play Gloria as we watched the Blues triumph over the Bruins to raise their first Lord Stanley. In less than two months, we are blessed once again with the most prominent sport out there. That’s right bitches, hockey season is upon us. So many questions, so many storylines. This offseason has been like an episode of the Kardashians, I just can’t keep up! (I hate myself)

Any-fricking-hoo, on with the damn show.

Here are some Bold predictions for the upcoming season.

1.The Blues do NOT repeat as Stanley Cup Champions


2.Florida Panthers make a wild card spot

3.Phil Kessel wins a hot dog eating contest in the Desert

4.Ovechkin wins the Rocket Richard

5.Joe Thornton does not retire at the end of the year and plays until he develops Alzheimer’s in 2034. The Sharks still are without a Stanley cup

6.Tom Wilson becomes the first player to take off his skate and attack an opposing player since Happy Gilmore



7.Joel Queenville wins the Jack Adams

8.Barry Trotz will be outed for who he really is…. The Travelocity Nome.

9.Corey Perry will have a bounce back year despite having the most punch able face in hockey

10.Torts will offend someone within the media.

11.The Predators will not get over the hump

12.The Lightning will win the presidents trophy, the only banner they will raise in 2020.

13.Nathan McKinnon will lead the league in points

14.Brad Marchand grows up from licking players… he is now giving over the pants hand jobs at the hashmarks.

15.Don Cherry continues his vendetta with the Hurricanes.

16.The Sabers miss the playoffs again.. 9 seasons and running

17.Jake Guentzel is outed for who he really is ….. Beavis and butthead.

18.The Maple Leaf’s become loaded with more primidone’s than the LA Lakers. Have fun in cap hell.

19.After missing the playoffs again, Patrick Kane goes back to his old ways and beats up a cab driver.

20.The Canucks stay irrelevant.

21.The Caps win the Metro

22.Lighting win the Atlantic

23.The Flames win the Pacific

24.The Stars win the Central

25.Todd Reirden gets outed for who he really is…. Woolly Willy

26.Brett Hull gets so drunk at a blues game he pisses his pants.

27. The Leafs lose to the Bruins again….

28.Lightning Win the East

29.Calgary wins the West

30.Dallas Wins the Cup. I know, bold.

Comment below your predictions for this upcoming season

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Written by Clarky