Like Game of Thrones, at some point, all good things must come to an end. Today is the last chapter of our 18 segment series, the House That Broke Me. Our last Swan song if you will. I’d be lying to you if I said it’s been fun going down memory lane with you all. It surely hasn’t. This house broke me both mentally, physically and financially. I really did ponder long and hard on what to make the last chapter about? So much debauchery took place in this living hell. I could have dedicated this last hoorah to the final walk thru when we finally dispersed this place in late 2016. I could bend your ear about gluing the cabinets back together 10 minutes before our final inspection. Or finding the broken water filtration system on the side of the yard and hurling it into the woods moments before the walk thru. I could even bore you about the pounds and pounds of heaping trash we polluted into the woods in preparation for the final countdown. I could tell you how my landlord called me after he tore the carpets up and found a live snake slithering in my room. Or that a nest of brown recluses were living in one of the rooms. However,you don’t want to hear all of that. You know this tales ending, how the hell else could it end? We demolished this house in a four short years.
The walk Thru went exactly as expected. Horrific. Security deposits… gone. Keep in mind, this was like my third security deposit I lost in this house.
However, being we convinced new kids to overtake this home, our landlord took it somewhat easy on us and said he would just charge the next batch of kids everything. Sorry boys, better luck next semester.
Odd thing, there’s still kids living in that heap of dump to this day. Heard they even turned the garage into an extra room. Animals. Maybe, just maybe, they’ll tell their stories one day.
Being in distraught on what to focalize this final chapter on, I decided to dedicate this last one with a little compilation video followed up with a “Greatest hits”
Take advantage of our blowout sale of the official park rat tank on sale for $14.99 in honor of our conclusion. Remember, its always sunny in San Carlos Park.
Check out my most memorable moments at this shit hole. (Click chapters to read)
Instant classic for the Titz Carlton. The day the water turned to Welchers grape fruit juice
Somehow avoided jail for this arsenal act.
The most unproductive summer of all time
Biggest upset in FGCU history.
You all are monsters.
6. When I found out my woods was a breeding ground for narcotics.
All kitties go to heaven
A detailed guide on how to disappoint your parents.
Farewell my park rats, It’s always sunny in San Carlos.