Cubicle Chatter

Sorority Rush Week As Told by a Guy

Sorority rush is upon us ladies. The one week in Greek life where the bars become a cluttered sausage party as every female within 5 miles of campus is locked in a room for Panhellenic recruitment.

Ah, I bask in the days of sorority rush. Sure, let’s address the great elephant in the room… I am not of the female descent, but I feel I played a vast role in Srat rush. Every year, we tailgated bid day with a flask in one hand and binoculars in the other from 2 kilometers away.

That’s neither here nor there because today’s is all about you ladies!

The next four years of your life and all the spirit fingers to come.

SISTERHOOD! SISTERHOOD! YOU AND ME! DELTA GAMMA FOR ETERNITY!

This next week you will be pushed to your limits as you enter sorority boot camp but lucky for you, Christmas has come early and old Clarkaclaus is here to be your guide. If you follow my rigorous regiment below, I assure you, every sorority will be swooning over you.

Those oversized comfort color tanks and lily Pulitzer dresses will be draped over you in no time!

When going through rush, you’ll be asked a serious of questionnaires. It’s like speed dating, from SRAT to SRAT you’ll bounce talking to their selected representatives.

Here are some tips to keep in the back of that noggin. Let’s go girls!

Surviving rush week

  1. If you played sports in high school that’s great. Sports show organizations that you’re a team player and work well with others. However, only admit your athletic accolades if they related to cheerleading or maybe, soccer. Wrestling, rugby and hockey won’t get you too far.

 

2. You drink but you only drink white claw. Truly, that’s for poor bitches. Natty seltzer is for the help and four Loko… is for the hipster GDI down the hall. No laws baby.

 

3. Say things like “I’m looking to be a part of something greater than myself” or “ I want to have lifelong sisters for life. It’s not four years, it 4ever”

4. Your favorite artists are Luke Bryan, Bruno mars and John mayor

5. Be yourself but be a much, much better version of yourself. You drink but you don’t get sloppy. You get good grades but you’re no nerd! Your classy but you’re not afraid to say the “S” word. Relax and be yourself but just, be a whole lot better.

6. Express your desire to grow within an organization and you’re not here for the easy avenue for parties, good times and a solid resume builder. Again, use that SISTERHOOD stuff.

7. Obviously, look presentable and not like you blacked out on your first night in the dorms as I’m sure you did.

8.Do your best not to hook up with any fraternity’s prior to rush. Greek life is like high school. Everyone knows your shit and bitches be talking. If you’re rushing after your freshmen year, you’re screwed as I’m sure your reputations have lost some luster. No bid for you Glen Coco.

9. Drive a punch buggy. Yellow if possible but light green if you must. NEVER orange.

10. The more southern you are, the better. From the great white north? Watch Sweet Home Alabama. Be Reese Witherspoon, always Reese.

11. Remember have fun with it but rehearse the shit out of your answers. It only takes one girl within an organization to black list you.

12. Do your research. Sorority’s are known for a good time, but they offer a lot of shit people really don’t know unless they’re in that circle of Greek life. Know the philanthropies, what each sisterhood represents and find your niche based on that. The girls that interview you aren’t rookies. They are trained f****ng lie detectors and will sniff out your bullshit quickly.

In the end, sorority rush will be the best 172 hours of your life.

I’m just kidding, the recruitment process sounds like a nightmare. Thank god fraternity rush was burgers, ball sweat and cigars.

Best of luck ladies. Sisterhood is right around the corner.

Tell us your best rush week story

unnamed-3 copy

Written by Clarky

 

Categories: Cubicle Chatter

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.