A weekly roast of whoever the FRICK is playing my beloved Kitty Kats.
Guess what you dirty hicks? Football is back! That’s right bitches, my courageous kitty kat’s are back and they are bringing a thunderous roar this year. Last year, my cats resembled the lethargic Garfield and miraculously squandered a 6-2 start just to climax at 7-9. However, the night is always darkest before the dawn and my ferocious kitty’s have sharpened their claws this offseason and are ready to tear that ass up. MEOW!!!! Each week, yours truly, Panther Pete will be providing a weekly roast of my kittens upcoming opponents as well as a follow video Monday morning to highlight all the ass we kicked on Sunday.
Are my Kats about to go 16-0? Probably. Sure, there may be a few glaring holes in the Kitty’s depth chart but we got rid of Alligator arm Funchees, so we’re primed for a comeback. Am I worried that Cam Newton’s shoulder has the durability of Sam Bradford? Sure. Am I concerned our wide receiver core is all no names? Possibly. Am I anxious that Ron Rivera is still stuck in the 1930’s coaching? no doubt. Am I ambitious. Freaking A right I am. See you in February, Super bowl.
First road block in the way? The LA Rams. Responsible for co hosting the most lifeless Super Bowl in recent history, The LA Rams come to charlotte this Sunday. There is no way they leave the colossal coliseum of the Kitty Cats with a W. Claw em, scratch them, give them allergies and Chew em up kitty’s! Let’s go Cats! The only way the Rams comes out victorious is if Blake Bortles takes reigns.
Here’s why my Kitty’s will win. MEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Todd Gurley’s ACL is made of Play-doh.
- Jared Goff has frosted tips and should be heading up the revival of NSYNC.
- Sean McVay is too busy applying LA Looks to his hair to be coaching.
- Clay Mathews resembles Rapunzel. How does one get hair so luscious?
- Marcus Peters has the coverage of Boost Mobile.
- Aqib Talib is an aging prehistoric dinosaur
- Aaron Donald…. yeah he’s a monster. maybe we’re f****ed