It may only be the middle of  Spooky riddled October but it’s never too early to be pondering on Spring break. Sure, I’m 3 years out of college but Sprang Break foreveeeeeeeer, am I right!? In the post grad world, spring break is no given luxury. Getting a week off of work, despite 20 vacation days allocated per year is a hard task to achieve. If you’re looking to relive the glory days and party it up in the month of March, best put in that PTO asap. Like I said, I’m no rookie… 3 years in the cubicle game. A gosh dang professional one might say.

When college kids and young working adults venture into the heart of Spring Break, the same destinations always arise.

Panama City, Key West, Cruises, Cancun.

Pretty much anywhere where’s the 3 B’s are present. Beaches, booze and let’s be real… boobs.

But what if I told you, you don’t need to travel all over the globe to enjoy this glorious spring break? Maybe forking out $800 for a cruise isn’t the way to go?

Enter The Villages. Oh, ears all perked up now, eh? Of course, the villages is located in Florida because where else would it be? everything absurd and illegal happens here. The Urban legend has it…. this retirement home gets after it like an Arizona State Theta Chi mixer. Evidently, more cases of STD’s have been confirmed here than the University of Miami which I find obnoxiously hard to believe. The night life in the Villages is that of the red light district in Amsterdam. Rumor has it, there’s talks of Viagra on the black market for sale. Where do I sign up? There’s even a book published called “Leisureville” describing the activities that take place in this florida induced old people orgy. Screen Shot 2019-10-20 at 4.22.26 PM.png

“Blechman then spent time in The Villages and claims to have been at several hotspots and watched seniors swap phone numbers or leave together for the evening. And he spoke with a woman who was balancing a pencil between her breasts that claimed to work for a local medical center where cases of STDs were out of control.”

I’ve always heard about these “Key Parties” but never knew the credibility of them. Apparently, all these old people show up to a party, drop their keys into a basket and whoever’s keys they grab on their way out… they go home with them. What a time to be alive.

“Blechman also told the exploits of a 63-year-old bachelor known as “Mr. Midnight.” He shares sordid details of the Villager’s sex life.”

Mr. Midnight…. what a name.

“It talked about Villagers having sex in their golf carts. It claimed that the ratio of women to men in the community was 10 to 1. And it offered this assessment: “Welcome to ground zero for geriatrics who are seriously getting it on.”

Having sex in a golf cart. Talk about a hole in one. Screen Shot 2019-10-20 at 4.29.24 PM.png

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What happens in the villages… stays in the villages…. except for herpes. That shit comes back with you.

Book your ticket now, the Villages are LIT.