If you’ve read any of my previous posts about my embarrassing moments (Trapped in a Cage, Blindspot, and Gym Class Hero), then you know I am no stranger to embarrassment. It’s safe to say that my social awkwardness makes me a bit of a magnet for embarrassing situations. If I was ever lucky enough to start a relationship, I always thought that the frequent embarrassment would lead to its demise, and in many cases it did. That was of course until I started dating HeyMoney.

For those of you who don’t know, HeyMoney is the author of our “Tips from a Recruiter” series which provides clarity into the recruiting process such as Why You Didn’t Get an Interview and How to Negotiate Your Next Job Offer. If you’re wondering how we got such a talented recruiter to write for us, well now you know. We’re dating and she obviously owed me a huge favor and instead of asking for something sexual I asked her to write for us. Like I said, my life is an embarrassing moment. As it turns out, she too is a magnet for awkward situations.

Early on in our relationship, we met up for a lunch date at a healthy place that was close to where we both worked. It wasn’t a fancy restaurant, just a good place to get a fast healthy meal, something we were both at the time still pretending to care about. It was business as usual until we got to the counter and she began to place her order.

HeyMoney: “Hi, I’ll take the Cobb Salad.”

Cashier: “Would you like any protein added?”

HeyMoney: “No thank you.”

Cashier: “Would you like a drink?”

HeyMoney: “A water cup is fine.”

Cashier: “And would you like your salad tossed?”

HeyMoney: “…….Whaaat?”

Up until this point, neither me or the cashier were paying total attention to this interaction, but when we heard the pause followed by a delayed “Whaat?” we both looked at HeyMoney. At first I thought she didn’t hear the question, but the look of total shock trying to cover uncontrollable giggles told me that she did hear but didn’t know how to answer.

The cashier, a mature adult trying to run her business, couldn’t understand what was happening. I, an intellectual often tip toeing the border between mature and idiotic, did.

It was apparent that she was confused why the cashier would transition so drastically from salads to a sex move. I could understand why someone would be confused by that, but that was clearly NOT what was happening. I mean what type of place does she think this is?

Yes, it was hilarious, but once again, I’m a little embarrassed. I go to this place several times a week so the last thing I need is to be banned or feel this shame every time I visit. I give HeyMoney a stern look as if to say “Please for the love of God say anything.”

She struggles but is finally able to squeeze through the laughter a mumbled “ok”.

With that confirmation we can all move on to my order and hopefully leave this all behind us. As I speak, HeyMoney hides her face behind me, still giggling uncontrollably. Luckily, they didn’t charge me extra.

It’s been about a year since that incident. I’ve never been back to that place but me and HeyMoney are still going strong. Our time so far has created a lot of material, and our future is bright, so stay tuned for more embarrassing moments with HeyMoney.

 

Screen Shot 2018-08-30 at 6.58.25 PM
Silent Riot