How old is too old? At what point in time do you technically age out? What age is considered too creepy to ask for candy? Technically, you become a man at the age of 18, unless you are of the Hebrew heritage where you elope to a man at age 13. Regardless of what elderly age defines you as a real member of society, why is it, I’m chastised for participating in Trick or Treating? Why am I denied the same charities these young fawns receive? It’s a deranged concept and I’m here to set the record straight. There is no written bylaw that enforces a cut off date and until there is, you can catch me at your door with a pillow case full of candy. Anyways, on with the horror I dealt with today.
I found myself sitting in the break-room contemplating my horrific job when Martha, my arch rival strolled by.
Martha- ” Busy day again I see, Clarky?” followed up with a laugh more vile and heinous than Cruella Deville.
Me- ” Why yes Martha, busy indeed. I’m plotting the demise of your reign in this office… bitch.”
Anyways, Halloween was the topic of subject today as she gloated about her chubby son Timmy dressing up as the kid from the Pixar movie “Up”
Real f***ng original Martha. How 2011 of you.
She went on and on about the endless candy her precious gem would be showered in and how she was so excited as this was little Timbo’s last Halloween Trick r Treating.
” Wait, Martha, how old is your chubby son?” I asked with a snarl.
Martha- “Timothy is 14! Can you believe it! Soon I’m going to have to swat those girls away!
Confused and fuming at the current situation , I asked why she was revoking Timothy’s Halloween pass after this year?
” He aged out silly!”
Me-“Aged out!?” I shouted with a furry mightier than king Leonidus kicking that Persian massager down the well .
Martha-“Yes, he’s far too old at 15 to gallivant in childish activities such as free candy.”
You’re a cold hearted bitch Martha.
“Well Martha, you listen and you listen well. I’m 27 and I’m going door to door tonight with smile as wide as the Cheshire cat. I’m getting free candy because that’s my right. You better pray to the heavens I don’t show up at your door step because I’m bringing hell with me. Hells comes with me Martha!”
With her jaw to the floor and an exasperated look, I shot her the double finger pistols and holster… then just walked away grinning ear to ear. It’s the little wins in life that matter most.
You’re never too old to get free candy from random strangers.
Trick Or Treat Martha.