It’s the most wonderful time of the year, where publicly traded companies make that Q4 push and overwork all of their employees. With this extra work load comes excessive stress. When the body experiences stress, most adults to the responsible thing and partake in binge drinking. That nightly glass of red wine turns into a box of Franzia. Funny thing is, companies know when they are pushing their employees to the brink of resignation. This is why they mask their mischievous deeds in forms of team lunches, holiday bonuses and Christmas parties. The infamous holiday party is the perfect way to allow employees to forget how disgruntled and overworked they are. Nothing says forget the past like a couple free cocktails and a some salted pork dinner. This is where HR makes their big bucks. Scoping out the party to see which employee is the drunkest so they can justify their jobs come Monday. HR is the worst but I digress. Here are a few tips to help you enjoy that company funded holiday party and still have a job come Monday.


Anyone who’s been to a company party knows the golden rule.

” you don’t want to be that guy.”

Basically, don’t be the guy or gal who people are chatting about the following Monday. This applies to getting too drunk, picking a fight with a co worker because you’ve had some liquid courage or even, trying to strike up a romance you’ve been envisioning. HR is just salivating and ready to pounce. Don’t feed into their traps. That being said, you’re a hard worker and you’ve earned it. Have some fun, blow off some steam but make sure you have a job come Monday.


Most company parties typically are formal or even black tie affair. Dressed up to get messed up type. Maybe you’re company is a little more progressive and Christmas themed attire is acceptable. Regardless, if this is your first rodeo, check with your fellow cubicle mates and gage the atmosphere. After all, you don’t want to show up dressed like the nut cracker when, in fact, formal attire is required. (this for sure didn’t happen to me two days ago.. wink wink)

3. Don’t Black Out

Whatever you do at this party, just don’t black out. Blacking out is already just a terrible scenario as your body is literally down to animal instincts at this point and the chances of you making an ass of yourself isn’t just a toss up, it’s a fulfilled prophecy. Remember, have fun but at the end of the day you’re at a company event… not the Sigma Chi White trash bash. Plus, blacking out in your mid twenties is like a 2 week hangover.

4. Don’t be a Kiss Ass

This is where they all come out. The perfect place to observe all the brown nosing scum who flock to management just to show some facetime.

Hey Martha, I seriously doubt Bill gives two shits about your 8 year old Timmy’s finger paintings.

It’s frigging nauseating to watch. Its always been funny to me that employees want so badly to get their word in to some one of superiority at events. When in reality, these are put in place to forget work, just for a short while. Normally, I avoid the higher ups at events at all cost. Mainly because I am a few beers deep and don’t trust anything that may come out of my meat hole. By all means, kiss some babies and shake some hands but don’t have your nose so far up the boss’s ass you need a snorkel.

Follow these steps and you should survive your company party.

Here’s to the holidays. Make sure you check out our Mega Sale, Buy one Get one Tanks. Use code “tanks” at checkout