Are you struggling to get a job? Are you tied down by the shackles of unemployment because you’re not pretty enough? Maybe you’re IQ is too low and no one ever is going to mistake you for splitting an atom. Regardless of why you’re seeking the mythical essence of employment, there’s hope for you, there’s hope for us all. That’s right, Amazon once again is here to save the day. It’s new front runner of a show, Lord of the Rings is hiring and its hiring ugly people!!!!! My mother always said I was born to be something special… i just never thought it would be an extra in a sci-fi Toilken blockbuster.

The good news? They’re hiring? Bad news? The lead roles that belong to beautiful actors are all taken. That leaves the ugly people roles! Hence, all of us! No longer is being ugly a death sentence from which we must all serve. LOTR is hiring extras to cast as “orcs” in order to save thousands of money on make up. makes total sense. Why waste money on attractive people to make them ugly when you could just hire…. ugly people!

For those of you who don’t know what an orc is, check out the video below to see if you have any similarities.

It’s like looking in a mirror, eh?

Recruiters for the show have put out bids for actors who resemble the following:

  • Bellies, Thick set arms, and stocky legs
  • 7 foot tall people comfy with their bodies as well as those under 4 foot 11
  • Bearded hairy biker women/men
  • Character Faces (Earthy, Weathered, Dark Skin Tonnes [sic], Missing teeth, Wonderful Noses)”
  • Skin problems are also a plus. If you “look like a leather handbag or do have a gazillion wrinkles,”

this gig is also paying $300 a day plus lunch. So you’re telling me, I can be okay with how atrocious I look and get paid handsomely for it? Where do I put my john Hancock?

I’ve always envisioned myself as a goblin pack leader but I’m a team player, whatever you want director.

Look for me on the big screen Ma!

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Written by Clarky