The other day I made my routine trip to the dentist for the checkup and cleaning I get every 2 years. Once dubbed by a dental hygienist as “the most difficult patient she’s ever had”, I’m sure you could imagine that I was not looking forward this to this appointment. Yes I know it’s important to have healthy teeth and that I should be going every 6 months for a cleaning, but every time I go to the dentist, they stab my gums repeatedly, tell me I need to floss more, and then try to up-sell me on something that will cost me a boat load because insurance won’t cover it. It’s gotten to the point that going to the dentist for a cleaning is worse than going to a mechanic for an oil change.
This appointment was different because I was going to a new dentist, so it was my first time meeting them. To be honest, I was shocked. Everyone was so nice and just kept smiling. Not sure if it was excellent customer service or a cult, but either way I’m impressed. Surprisingly, I manage to get through the cleaning with minimal blood loss. It’s time to meet my new dentist and I must say, I think she could be the one to get me to come back every 6 months. Then in she walks. She shakes my hand and just like the rest of the staff is incredibly nice. She looks at me and says “Nice to meet you. Before I get started on examining your teeth, tell me, what are your goals? What would you like to get out of these visits?”
Here we go. Another salesman. What do you mean “my goals?” I have 32 teeth in my head. I want them all to stay there and stay as white as possible.
Sure enough, she goes on to examine my teeth and tell me that my coffee stained teeth are very white and in great shape, but I need to get a few fillings because even though I don’t have any pain now, it could get bad down the road. Nice try, but you can’t use fear to sell me. I’m way too cheap for that. Once again, I found another doctor who is just trying to up-sell me.
The truth is, if my tooth isn’t falling out or in incredible pain, then I’m not fixing it, so no matter what she was selling, I wasn’t buying it. Her question made me think though, what if bartenders were doctors and treated us like dentists.
Picture This: You walk into a bar and the bartender greets you with a smile and a handshake, and then asks “What’s your goals here today? What would you like to get out of this visit?”
You might say something like “Well doc, to be honest, I’ve had a rough week, I’m really looking to black out.” or “Just here for a routine drink, nothing fancy please.”
Bartender: “Ok, let me see what we can do for you.”
Your bartended will then begin his treatment. Serving up recommended drinks at a pace that is right for the healing you need. They may try to up-sell you with shots or increase the dosage to doubles, to which you may reply “I don’t think I need that, are there any side effects?”
“Yes of course,” they’ll say. “There may be some dizziness, nauseousness, and the sudden urge to text your ex. I recommend not taking on an empty stomach, but if you start to feel sick just dance it off.”
At the end of the night, they’ll tell you “Everything looks good and you have a great smile. We’ll see you next week.” Then hand you a bill to which you will ask “my insurance covered this right?” They will respond, “Of course, you’re all set. Have a good night.”
That’s the life we all deserve. Make it happen Washington.


Screen Shot 2018-08-30 at 7.01.48 PM

Silent Riot