As you’re sitting at your desk in your dim lit cubicle, are you thinking of your exit strategy? How you’re going to come across millions and quit your job? Of course there is the lottery where you can become a millionaire overnight, but only old people in some small Florida town win those. There’s the possibility you wake up as Steve Jobs and invent a new device that will make you a billionaire. You probably have better luck with the lotto. Then there’s the most appealing option… a lawsuit. Some company did you wrong and you sue them for millions. Sure it may require some large sacrifices or permanent physical damage to prove wrongdoing, but it’s totally worth it. Well, you’re not the first person with this idea. Unfortunately for them, these claims were so ludicrous that all they ended up doing was embarrassing themselves and wasting their time.
There are people who work hard, and then there are people who sue for crazy amounts of money. These are their stories. Dum Dum (Law & Order sounds).
Man Sues to be Young Again
In 2018, a 69 year old Emile Ratelband sued to have his age changed. He claimed that his age was leading to discrimination in his job hunt and that is was ruining his chances on Tinder. The court ruled against him stating that changing his age would cause too many difficulties in regards to age based benefits and regulations. I also like to think the judge told him to just “change your profile pic bro.”
Man Sues His Date for Being a…Bad Date
There’s nothing more annoying then going on a date with someone who is addicted to their phone. When your date spends the whole time fiddling on their phone, you just want to smash it, or like a normal person, just let the date end and never call them again. In 2017, an Austin based 37 year old chose something else. Instead of letting it go, he decided to sue his date $17.31, the price of the movie ticket he paid for them to go watch Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Hilarious? Absolutely, but she didn’t see it that way. She offered to pay the price of the ticket if he just left her alone.
Where’s My Wings?
Major brands spends billions of dollars in advertising each year. To stand out, some brands need to be extremely creative with their messaging. One of the most notable slogans is Red Bull’s “Drink Red Bull, it gives you wings.” Of course, no one would ever believe that…right? Well, in 2016, a class action suit was filed against Red Bull claiming the slogan was misleading claiming that the energy drink did not give people wings, nor did they feel energized and there was zero proof to show it improved focus. Surprisingly, Red Bull settled out of court for $640,000.
Man Sues Anheuser Busch for Misleading Ads
Beer commercials are always the most entertaining on TV. It always shows someone drinking a beer and suddenly surrounded by beautiful people in the most fun environments. These ads can be entertaining for most viewers, but I guess not all people feel that way. In 1993, Richard Overton sued Anheuser Busch for $10,000 claiming their misleading ads caused him emotional distress, mental injury, and financial loss. His argument was that the ads show that consumption of the beer enables “scenic tropical settings and beautiful women and men engaged in unrestricted merriment” when this is not actually true. Shockingly, the court did not rule in his favor.
Kidnapper Sues Hostages
What’s worse than being kidnapped? Being sued by your kidnapper. In 2009, Jesse Dimmick kidnapped a Kansas couple. At one point, Jesse fell asleep and the couple escaped. Rightfully so, the couple sued Jesse for $75,000 in damages. Jesse had other plans though. Instead, he counter-sued them for a breach of the oral contract they made. Before he fell asleep, Jesse made them promise that they would hide from the police. After a promise is a promise. Unfortunately for Jesse, the lawsuit was dismissed.
U-G-L-Y You Ain’t Got No Alibi
Thankfully, being ugly isn’t a crime, but apparently you can be forced to pay up for being too ugly. In 2012, a man in China sued his wife for giving birth to ugly kids. At first he thought she had an affair, but it was later revealed that she actually just had a ton of plastic surgery before meeting him. This led him to sue her on the grounds of false pretenses claiming she misled him by hiding her past cosmetic enhancements. Have you lost faith in humanity, then don’t read the result. He won the case and the wife was forced to pay him $120,000. This isn’t good news for us ugly people.
Me Myself and I
It’s ok to admit when you make a mistake as long as you learn from these mistakes and move on. Well that’s not how prison inmate Robert Lee Brock handles his mistakes. In 1995, he sued himself for violating his religious beliefs and getting himself arrested. The penalty? $5 Million. Since he’s an inmate and has no money or source of income, he asked the state to pay on his behalf. Nice try Robert. This case was dismissed.
What Do You Mean You’re Out Of Chicken Sandwiches?
Last year, Popeye’s introduced their new chicken sandwich to compete with Chick-fil-a and pure insanity ensued. Popeye’s locations serving up the new sandwich were bombarded with fans. Only stocked with a limited supply, most locations ran out of stock quick. Sure we all laughed at these people running around trying to get sandwiches, but one Tennessee man didn’t find it funny. He sued Popeye’s for $5,000 when he failed to get his hands on a new sandwich, damaged his tires and rims in the crowded parking lots, and was swindled out of $25 when someone on Craigslist claiming to be a Popeye’s employee promised to get him a sandwich. This obviously caused him a lot of suffering and humiliation when his friends laughed at him. He went on to quote “It’s totally deceptive. Who runs out of chicken? It’s a big fiasco. Someone has to stand up to big corporate. Everyone is captivated by these sandwiches. They’ve got everyone gassed up on them.” As silly as this sounds, this case is still going on.
How Bout Dem Yankees?
Ever go to a baseball game and just think “wow this is so boring I could just fall asleep right here?” Well, in 2014, Andrew Rector did just that as he fell asleep in the stands while watching a New York Yankees game. ESPN was broadcasting the game and caught Andrew on camera. To add insult to injury, ESPN announcers made fun of sleepy Andrew on the air. In return, he sued ESPN for $10 Million in damages claiming the jokes hurt his reputation. A judge ruled against Andrew since he was only on video for 30 seconds and the jokes didn’t amount to any “defamation”. Talk about a bad dream, right Andrew?
Take Em To The Cleaners
A lot of companies offer their customers a “Satisfaction Guarantee”. Probably because satisfaction is totally subjective, meaning there is no way to actually prove satisfaction, and it’s incredibly difficult if not impossible to put a monetary value against your satisfaction. That of course didn’t stop Roy Pearson who decided to sue his local dry cleaner for $54 Million when they lost his pair of pants. Thankfully, the courts ruled against this nightmare customer and forced him to pay the company its legal fees.
I Go To Hooters For The Wings and The Dudes
Ever notice how all the servers at Hooters are women? Of course, you did. That’s the main selling feature for this famous restaurant. Normal human beings accept Hooters for what it is, but there are some people out there who consider a staff of all female servers to be sexist. In 1997, Hooters agreed to pay $3.75 Million to a group of men who were denied employment by the restaurant chain. It’s so sad watching the justice system fail. I only hope those who sued Hooters get the Karma they deserve.