It’s everyone’s favorite episode aka Women Tell All! Will Sidney come clean about not actually eating lunch in the bathroom during high school? Will the truth come out about Alayah and Victoria P’s “before the show friendship”? Will Peter decide he’s not actually going to propose to anyone and will run away to Chile to keep learning Spanish vocabulary words? In other Bachelor nation news this week, 38 year old Clare was announced as our next Bachelorette – meaning that this current season’s cast of girls must have truly been psycho), Chris Harrison dragged Madi’s name through the mud on a podcast, and two women from this current season hated Peter so much they decided to date each other instead.

 

  1. Hannah Ann smiling like a creepy American Girl doll at her ceremony dresses.
  2. FYI she has a whole highlight folder on her Instagram where she has a NAME for each one of her dresses that she has worn this season.
  3. “All your favorite women from this season are back tonight!” – Chris Harrison. Sir, do you not realize that we hated everyone this season?! And that’s probably why you picked someone from seasons ago to be the next Bachelorette?
  4. Also, WHERE IS KELLEY? #Justice4Kelley
  5. I am truly concerned why the producers didn’t get better medical care for Peter. His scar is horrendous and I am sick of looking at it.
  6. “uneasy music” – Whoever is in charge of writing subtitles needs a raise.
  7. Victoria F is PISSED that Madi finally showed up to the rose ceremony.
  8. “whimpers softly” – man, the subtitles tonight are KILLING it.
  9. TBH, this is a very one sided hug.
  10. I am about to turn my subtitles off so I don’t have to read the word “sniffle” anymore.
  11. Don’t worry, Victoria F. Whoever Peter ends up marrying, you can go break their marriage up.
  12. Is Hannah Ann actually a robot?
  13. I literally have no idea who half of these girls are? They could have been on season 3 of the Bachelor and I would have no clue.
  14. Guys, WHERE is Kelley?
  15. Tammy is literally wearing a shirt made out of mirrors.
  16. Idk who Savannah is but you go glen coco for calling out Victoria P on her sh*t.
  17. Clearly, this is the cattiest filled cast of women they’ve ever had.
  18. Is this actually the Democratic debate?
  19. Do you think McKenna will have another prepared inspirational speech prepared for tonight?
  20. Hey Tammy do you think you could control your facial expressions any less?
  21. “I never admitted I was sober” – Me when my friends ask me why I got kicked out of the bar at 8 PM.
  22. “From a medical standpoint, I’m a nurse.” – Victoria P. “From a medical standpoint, you’re a dermatologist” – Biggest burn of the season coming from one of the random girls that may or may not have actually been on this show.
  23. Here she goes…another inspirational McKenna speech.
  24. You really got her there with your last words, McKenna.
  25. All righty y’all, we got our first Hot Seat contestant! Over/under on how long it takes before Kelsey cries or has an emotional breakdown.
  26. Chris Harrison is the modern day Dr. Phil.
  27. Kelsey cries when she meets the Queen of Crying aka Ashley I. How perfect.
  28. This also feels like a Bachelorette audition. Guess she failed since they just announced Clare.
  29. ABC starts showing commercials for Bachelor: Listen To Your Heart. * Yawns* *Also gets on twitter to see if everyone else is sh*t talking about the Women Tell All*
  30. I guess “passionate” relationship means weeks of gas lighting and manipulating the other person into thinking everything is their fault?
  31. I know everyone is hating on Alayah for her “princess voice” but Victoria F has arguably one the most annoying whiny raspy voices I have ever heard.
  32. HAHAHAH Victoria F is such a terrible liar. You can’t hide your home wrecking ways.
  33. I have no idea how Chris Harrison can praise Victoria F right now. I take back what I said earlier about #ChrisHarrison2020
  34. “Give it up for America’s favorite pilot” – Chris Harrison. At this point, I honestly think I would rather watch a Spirit airline pilot be on here instead.
  35. Does anyone actually care about these Bachelor viewing parties?
  36. I am embarrassed to be a Pi Phi right now.
  37. Ah, Peter no longer looking like a homeless, defeated Harry Potter.
  38. Are you actually sorry, Victoria F?
  39. Am I the only one who eyes glaze over whenever Peter talks?
  40. How could they show a blooper with Kelley BUT not invite her to the Women Tell All?!!!
  41. Why is ABC ruining this women tell all with a middle school assembly talk about online bullying?
  42. “I wish we could all get along like we used to…I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy” – probably Chris Harrison.
  43. But also the people who wrote these things are truly psychotic.
  44. Is McKenna going to say being turned into a meme is bullying?
  45. OF COURSE, ABC is making the finale into a two-day event. See y’all next week!

 

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Ray Charles