All right, part 1 of the finale down. One more night to go. After last night, we now know that Barb might possibly be Regina George reincarnated, Madi may not actually be gone, Hannah Ann is most definitely still crying about something, and we are all still watching this dumb show.

 

  1. STFU, Chris. You know exactly what’s going to happen on this show and how the season ends.
  2. Wait, Kelley is here? But, she wasn’t invited to the Women Tell All?!
  3. Peter is not a runner. Are we really supposed to believe he actually exercises? I swear I saw the beginning of a dad bod in last night’s episode.
  4. “It feels right with Hannah Ann” – Peter. Only because Madi already left AND you are terrified of the wrath of your own mother.
  5. Ah, Ranger Rick making a cameo. I hope this isn’t the last we hear of him.
  6. American Girl Doll Samantha Hannah Ann still doesn’t know Madi is gone? Is anyone going to tell her?
  7. Hannah Ann looking like the snow princess of the North Pole in this white gown.
  8. AH, here’s the scene they wont stop showing previews of!
  9. SO, it’s about Hannah Ann AGAIN?!
  10. Producers really toying with my emotions this season with all their edits and voiceovers.
  11. Peter is definitely an a** for not telling Hannah Ann the real reason Madi left.
  12. “That makes no sense” – Peter, you seriously have to wonder why Hannah Ann might now show up to the final rose ceremony?! It’s been obvious from the start you have eyes only for Madison.
  13. IS. STUPID.
  14. NOT DRAMATIC AT ALL.
  15. Kinda wish Hannah Ann would trip on her way down to Peter.
  16. No, Hannah Ann, you are actually here because you are waiting for a Revolve sponsorship and to find love at Stagecoach.
  17. THE ACTING SKILLS OF HANNAH ANN ARE FANTASTICLY TERRIBLE.
  18. OH MY WORD OH MY WORD.
  19. “I can’t believe you’re all mine” – Don’t forget, Hannah Ann. You still have to share Peter with Barb.
  20. More screen time of Barb.
  21. For the love of God, will someone please dress Barb?! Why does she look she’s about to go for a leisurely hike?
  22. “Bud, just tell us!” – Yes, bud, do tell.
  23. Barb is gonna pass out. Or puke.
  24. Barb crying hysterically because she has control in Peter’s life again.
  25. You literally met Hannah Ann ONCE! How can you love her?
  26. “How’s our daughter?!” – WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!?
  27. Ooooo, Barb has a new hairdo.
  28. She is also side eye rolling. I am starting to get nervous.
  29. Is this gonna be a repeat of Arie and Becca?
  30. “I never intended to give my heart to two people” – Peter when talking about Hannah Ann and Madison. Also me talking about Chipotle and Taco Bell.
  31. ARE THEY BREAKING UP????
  32. Ew, what are Peter’s boots?
  33. Barb really has mastered the art of the stink eye.
  34. “Torn and conflicted Peter” – Probably the most accurate description of Peter this season.
  35. Why is Barb so happy about her son being distraught on national television?
  36. Did Hannah Ann borrow this speech from McKenna?
  37. Barb literally BEAMING when Hannah Ann came out.
  38. So, how long was this engagement?? Someone please confirm.
  39. Barb has disowned Peter because of this.
  40. I can’t believe Peter reached out to Ranger Rick and he is still alive to talk about it.
  41. Hannah Ann, you go glen coco! Call Peter out!
  42. He called Hannah B?!? OMG PETER….
  43. Wow what a fun engagement combo…American Girl Doll Hannah Ann, Spider lashed Madi, Windmill Hannah B, and Pouty Peter.
  44. I kinda like emo Peter.
  45. So, Chris is basically Peter’s fairy godfather/matchmaker.
  46. Barb is going to lose her eyesight if she keeps rolling them that far back in her head.
  47. Barb is going to need a very large Xanax after this finale.
  48. Madi – you are too good for Peter. Don’t go running back to him.
  49. I am bored of this conversation. Let’s not draw it out. Give us a Madi vs Barb WWE smackdown.
  50. Peter knows Barb is going to whoop his a** after this show ends.
  51. Barb either keeps muttering sh*t about Madi when she coughs or she has corona virus.
  52. Madi looking like glam Barbie in this dress.
  53. OMG SHUT UP BARB. Let your son be happy!
  54. So, are Madi and Peter dating?
  55. Barb talking about her DM’s. I CAN’T.
  56. Barb, I am pretty sure you loved Madi during your wedding vow renewals at the beginning of the season!
  57. Barb only liked Hannah Ann because she knows she can fit her into the mold of Peter’s perfect housewife.
  58. Peter looks like he is gonna throw up. I might join him.
  59. Madi has been real and genuine all season, Barb.
  60. Poor Madi. This is so awkward.
  61. Barb won’t even look at Peter.
  62. Is this actually the Maury show?
  63. “Fail to succeed” OK BARB.
  64. So, is this episode 2 or 3 hours?
  65. Barb, just a reminder that you will always have Madi in your pictures of your wedding vow renewals!
  66. So, is Clare meeting any of her guys?
  67. Of course, they bring up the Juan Pablo episode.
  68. UGH!
  69. So, we aren’t meeting any of her guys?
  70. Wow.
  71. WE MADE IT.
  72. IT’S OVER.
  73. Thanks for joining me on this dumpster fire of a season.
  74. See y’all in May for The Bachelorette! Heard one of Clare’s guys is 27 and already has 4 mugshots.