Let me start off by saying, thank god hockey is almost back. The boys and I have been watching Peter Bondra highlights from 2001… that’s how desperate we’ve been for some action. I’ve been browsing through all the archives of old highlights, movies and GIFS which brings me to the oasis of this article. Sure, great players score the goals but it’s the guidance of the bench boss that leads teams to the ultimate success. Scotty Bowman, Joel Quenneville and Darryl Sutter are just a few of the greats. But wait, let’s stop traffic here, what about Hollywood? The people of Hollywood have vastly underestimated the amount of Hockey movies the general public wants to see…. AKA why there is only about 5 decent Hockey movies. Be that as it may, Hollywood has casted some absolute greats to head the bench. Below is a list of the all times greats that broke the spotlight of Hollywood.

*Fictional coaches so Herb Brooks from Miracle does not count

 

Cherokee Jack

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With state of the art training, Cherokee Jack goes back to the old days and uses a mop for an array of drills. Much like a wax on, wax off type approach. One must learn the way of the stick before actually using the stick. Sadly he died before the end of Threat level midnight. This ones for you Cherokee Jack.

 

Ronnie Hortense

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The Bench Boss of the Highlanders from Goon. He reminds me of my junior coach when I was slumming it up in the Empire. Being the head coach of a shitty minor league team is a job and half. He is easily the most realistic and relatable coaches that has come through Hollywood’s gates.

” This is not f***king baseball. Bag skates 6 am p***ies. Glat, you’re riding piss hole.”

Man I miss playing shitty junior B hockey and thinking I had a future.

 

 

Coach Orion

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Due to a lack of fictional Hollywood movies, the next 4 coaches are all from the Mighty Ducks Franchise. The first big movie line with the exception of Slap Shot to hit the gates of Hollywood. Coach Orion filled in for Bombay in D3, transforming the young ducklings into the prep school warriors. With a heavy emphasis on Defense, he helped mold Captain Charlie into a two way player.  No one plays in Orion’s barn without discipline.

 

 

Coach Reilly

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The villain of the first installment of the Mighty Ducks trilogy. Reilly was a local legend in Minnesota taking the hawks to numerous Peewee state championships.

” It’s not worth winning if you can’t win big.”

Sounds like Sean Payton when he plays the Panthers.

 

Stan Wolfson

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Just look at that lettuce. Feathered, lethal and powerful. It take a load of confidence to skate on the ice and crush another man’s beach ball but that’s who the wolf is. Coined the nickname the “Dentist” in his short stint in the NHL due to his notorious PIMS. He ruled by fear and won big against the majority of the junior world championship teams. He proved to be Bombay’s toughest feat. Team Iceland was lucky to have such a wrecking force behind the bench. I demand to know what product he uses in that lions mane.

 

 

Gordan Bombay

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What is there to say about the GOAT? 3 time Pewee champion and led USA to the gold in the Junior Finals. Bombay is a winner. He took a band of yellow belly losers and transcended them into an absolute dynasty. Don’t even get me going on that head of lettuce dangling off his noggin.

 

 

 

Clarky

Clarky