The worlds greatest holiday is upon us and sure, this year certainly will have some limitations with that terrorist Corona lurking at our shores. Be that as it may, I would be doing a disservice to my forefathers If I were not to celebrate the birthstone of the worlds greatest country. (And no, that’s not ignorance, it’s called being patriotic. Sure we still have many, many things we need to improve but we’re still the dopest country so shut the hell up)

Usually us Jockeys are loading up the RV and heading to the most American city of all…. Daytona. Nothing says America like a bunch of out of shape men well past their prime drinking warm Keystone light in a above ground pool. Due to the global pandemic and the fact that NASCAR has moved the race to August, this years a bit different for us. However, it’s time to think outside of the box like the great George Washington did when he decided to ram sack the red coats on Christmas Eve. Below are just a few bad ass American activities you can participate in while maintaining social f***ng distancing.


  • Throw a Hot dog Eating Contest ( 6 feet a part)



  • Go to Walmart and buy something you don’t need (wear a face mask)


  • Grill any sort of meat except for a bat



  • Watch re runs of Coney Island hot dog eating contest



  • Drink Budweiser and shoot off fireworks at your neighbors


  • Watch NASCAR



  • Watch the Patriot



  • Buy an above ground pool 


  • Drink American made alcohol all day

  • Consume zero vegetables or Fruits. Only Meats.


  • Don’t Watch National Treasure



  • Watch Miracle 


  • Shoot a gun ( at a range)


  • Dress Patriotic 


  • Thank a Hero for His/Her Service