We’ve all been there. By there I mean sitting on the toilet shameless and naked with our stomach roll hanging over our waistline. The lotion is ever so perfectly situated on the floor between our legs while we search page by page until we find the perfect video and hear that jingle we all know and love. While weeding through the videos of girls getting cream pied by their step brothers we can’t help but ponder are there really hot singles in my area ready to fuck?
What we didn’t know is that we’re all not that different. By we, I mean us and the 11th overall draft pick of the 2004 NFL Draft. By the 11th overall draft pick of the 2004 NFL Draft I mean none other than THE Big Ben Roethlisberger.
In a recent interview Big Ben ushered the skeletons from his closet to our twitter timelines by confessing his love for alcohol and porn. As I sit here shameless and naked on my porcelain throne perusing through my incognito tab I can’t help but wonder, what fetishes causes Big Ben to awake in the night and silently creep past his children’s bedrooms and down the stairs to toss the pigskin in the hall powder room?
Dare I question what his majesty’s search history might look like? So of course we ended up here, ranking Ben’s top 3 fetishes and what exactly gets his engine purring. Below is my best guess at Big Ben’s top fetishes (not mine) and what exactly he was referring to when he referenced his past addiction. Full disclaimer this is his list, not mine, I cannot emphasize that enough as things are about to get freaky with a capital F.
- Animated Porn– this seems to be a fairly popular one for some people. Not my cup of tea but this is a judgement free zone. Many of the videos are based on anime or popular shows, but I have gone so far as to have seen even the strangest figures or talking heads turned in porn star caricatures. Nevertheless, this seems like a very plausible option and a good starting point for any enthusiast.
- Foot Fetish– this may seem like some low-hanging fruit, but there was no way I could leave it off the list. Throughout his career, Big Ben’s injury history has been well documented. Not only has he sustained a great number of injuries, he has also played through the majority of them. Marking him in the annals of history as being one of the most fierce competitors and leaving his naysayers to question the seriousness of said injuries. A common theme among them has been the boot. On occasions that would take 2 hands to count, Ben has been seen after a game hobbling to a press conference in his signature walking boot. Thus, it seems likely he may have a foot fetish. Perhaps, all these years the boot has been satisfying his sexual desires, as well as healing any potential injuries. Just a thought.
- Sadomasochism– as Rihanna once said “sticks & stones may break my bones, but chains & whips excite me” Just urban dictionary it, that should tell you all that you need to know.
There you have it, we’ve put together a list even Don Juan could be proud of. For those of you who have made it this far, hopefully you were able to learn a thing or two. Now I need to stop here before things get any stranger and someone calls the authorities on me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go bathe myself and begin scrubbing the sin off my skin.