It’s been 3 months since my eyes have been blessed with the shining beauty that is live sports. I’ve had to find a vast array of ways to kill time in its absence. Instead of using this free time to further advance my corporate career, I’ve dabbled in seamless activities that may or may not include pursuing my true passion, becoming a wizard. That being said, I’ve also been watching a shit ton of fictional sports movies which brings us to the article nobody asked for. The greatest moments in Fictional Sports history.
Literally you guys have asked for literally anything but this. Well you dirty hicks, I’m serving up disappointment all of 2020 and here’s a fresh plate of mindless reading for your morning poop. Enjoy.
The man who brought a group of convicts, “has been’s” and misfits together to lead the Washington Sentinels to the playoffs. With an arm that makes Brett Favre look like he has AIDS, Shane Falco drops dimes and pulls in dimes.
She’s The Man
After a serious injury, Amanada Bynes fills in for her twin brother at prep school soccer in hopes to keep his scholarship dreams alive. By cutting her hair, adapting man related habits and shoving tampons up her nose, Bynes pulls off one of the biggest upsets of all time. It’s not until the very end of the movie where she reveals her true identity by flashing the refs. What a moment in sports history.
Aggressive inline roller blading, what more could you want? Well, I could name about 17 sport’s I’d rater watch than inline blading but Andy from Brink blades hard and pulls off a major upset.
The Iron Lotus
One of the most dangerous yet elegant moves in figure skating history. The move was considered suicide as there was a high percent chance of being decapitated. Just ask North Korea. Anyways, Chaz and Jimmy pull it off and take down FairChild and Starnz the heavy favorites to win.
Happy Gilmore Beats Shooter
A once renowned bruiser on the ice transforms into a golf legend with the help of his one handed coach, Chubs. Shooter Mgavin is the heavy, heavy favorite to win the gold jacket but Happy Gilmore overcomes this despite putting through a water tower.
Bombay takes down the Hawks
Coach Reilly was an absolute legend in Minnesota when it came to Peewee house league hockey. Bombay, fresh off DUI takes a band of losers and propels them to beat Reilly’s Hawks in the championship game.
The little Giants
A story of big vs small. Nerd vs Jock. Athletic vs geek. All the ingredients for a major upset.
Jacki Moon saves the Trops
Jacki Moon, the guard, coach and owner of the Flint Tropics. After making a blockbuster trade by dealing their only working washer for play maker Mocks, (Woody Harrelson) Jacki keeps his team alive by propelling them to the championship game for a chance to merge into the NBA. Despite a very large bear, lack of talent and little odds, Jacki never lost hope.
Ricky Bobby’s comeback
No one was more on top of the world before his major accident. However, his life spiraled down after serious injuries which led to him loosing his endorsements, fame, best friend and wife. However, Ricky found his way back to the top after defeating the french prince in a nail biting race.
Bobby Bouche goes to College
If Bobby Bouche can get into college…. then so can f****ng you.
Benny The Jet vs The Beast
A man eating dog vs a boy who needs to win his baseball back from the trenches of the Beast’s home. A tale like no other and Benny the Jet puts his name to the test against this flesh eating K9.
Peter La Fleur Beats White Goodwin
Quite possibly the greatest comeback story in the history of Hollywood. A underachieving gym owner pulls out one last stop to save his gym from being absorbed by White Goodman and the Globo gym Purple Cobras. Despite having Lazer, Blazer and Tazer on his squad, Goodman loses in OT with the help of Patches, Peter’s deceased coach who drank his own urine and was mentally insane.