Let me start this off by saying this list is not up for debate, nor will I be answering any postgame questions from the press. But what I will do, is a provide a list of 16 animals that I could realistically kick the shit out of. Now, I love animals and would never actually kick the shit out of any of these animals, unless I had to. This is merely a hypothetical, life or death situation where if I had no other choice, could I survive and ultimately, kick the shit out of said animal. With that being said, here goes nothing:


  1. Mountain Goat
  2. Honey Badger
  3. Basically every bird, besides the Bald Eagle
  4. Any animal that qualifies as a marsupial
  5. Speaking of qualified, a Koala Bear
  6. A turtle
  7. The komodo dragon
  8. A female deer (not sexist, just yanno no antlers)
  9. A male deer immediately after he has shed his antlers (nice save)
  10. A baby giraffe? I’m not sure how big they are out of the womb but I don’t believe they have many fighting qualities.
  11. A pig, domestic, not feral
  12. An anteater. The thing eats ants for a living, how tough could it really be?
  13. Raccoons
  14. The tazmanian devil
  15. Lemur
  16. My neighbors Chihuahua


There you have it, as of today I’m 27 years old and here I am putting together a list of animals to assert my dominance. Not many other ways I’d rather spend my day of birth. Anyways, take from this what you will, but remember this list is not up for debate.