Hello bachelorette, my old friend. Can’t believe we are doing this again. I’m annoyed to report that I don’t have any new spoilers so I feel like I have nothing to live for. *sigh*


  1. Is this the intro to Elle’s Harvard law admissions video?
  2. Tbh I don’t remember any of these guys.
  3. Omg Gaston Aka Bennett with his eye glasses.
  4. Rumor has it that Gaston was engaged less than a year ago.
  5. Also, idk why they never show the football team that these people played for.
  6. If I was the bachelorette, that would be something i need to know.
  7. Def not trying to marry someone on The Washington Football team.
  8. Is this the live version of Tangled?
  9. I’m not listening to any of this sh*t.
  10. Oh god what is happening?!?
  11. This is so awkward.
  12. Is this the longest moment of awkward silence ever?
  13. Possibly even longer than the silence that follows at family holidays when I tell them I didn’t vote for Trump.
  14. Hey guys did you know Bennett went to Harvard? Yeah me neither.
  15. Idk why this guy got the group rose. What did he do? I missed this whole group date.
  16. I blame my dog and his small bladder.
  17. Usually someone important gets the first solo date. Who is this person?!?
  18. Ah, one of the elusive former pro football players.
  19. And now we are screaming?
  20. OH, you know what is a good date idea? Let’s talk about all of our failed relationships!!!
  21. “This is the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life” – Sir, have you even lived?!
  22. Clare, where have you been hiding this dress? And WHY do you still have it? Is this like 27 Dresses and you just might put on a random fashion show with failed engagement dresses instead of bridesmaid dresses?
  23. Watching these guys laugh at puns is cringe.
  24. Anyone else think that Chasen looks like a poor man’s John B?
  25. This is the highest stakes dodgeball game? Have you even watched Dodgeball?!?
  26. Nickelback Blake is too intense.
  27. Red team is already my favorite, taking a cue from Dodgeball.
  28. Did the blue team even show up?
  29. “This is the most action I’ve seen in a while” – Same.
  30. Oh god, this idiot is gonna pull a Cam and crash the group date.
  31. *inserts gif of Michael Jackson chomping down on popcorn*
  32. This is the first I’ve heard of a Brandon being on this show.
  33. “We worked so hard we deserve some time with Clare” – Blake, your team didn’t even show up. It was like powderpuff football my sophomore year of high school.
  34. HAHAHA total rejection.
  35. Brandon needs to shut up ASAP.
  36. Oh god IDIOT.
  37. At this point, even making up something else would be better than just saying her beauty is all you like about her.
  38. Oh, snap.
  39. He’s gone!
  40. Ew, Blake what is this shirt? Stop shopping at Tommy Bahama.
  41. Why on Earth would you give him the rose?!
  42. So this is just the Clare and Dale show right?
  43. Ugh, honestly that was one of the hardest episodes to get through. Must be prepared with stronger alcohol next week.