Here lies the article nobody asked for. A full blown list of characters the renowned Nicolas Cage almost played. From stealing the Declaration to playing Superman’s Cat, Cage has struck terror, joy and absolute unnatural wellbeing into our lives. To put in politely, Cage f***ng sucks and is well past his prime of starring in the big screen. That being said, it never hurts to ponder what could have been. Which motion screen picture would you have liked to see the Cage star in? Never forget what they took from us.

The Green Goblin- Spiderman


Could you imagine Toby Maguire and Cage both acting in a movie together? James Cordan in Cats might have better acting


Aragorn- Lord of The Rings

This one makes me sick to my stomach this almost happened. I can’t even fathom Cage muttering the words ” Gondor calls for Aid!”


Harry Dunn- Dumb and Dumber

For the sake of 90’s comedy gold that was Jim Carey, let’s all thank Cage for passing on this one.


Neo- The Matrix

Glad Cage passed and took the blue pill when asked to play Neo.




Get out of my swamp Cage!



Honestly, if anyone can save the atrocity that is the Superman franchise, maybe Cage is it.