Author Archives

officejockeys

A Hero’s Tale

Ever wonder how you would react in a situation that needs a hero? You think you would run, fight, cry? If we’re lucky, we can go throughout life without ever knowing the answer to that. Unfortunately, I was not that lucky. Me and my brother were headed to […]

The Slow Eater

I’ve been on several dates, and the theme seems to be the same every time. She takes her time eating food, and I stuff my fat face as fast as possible. It’s just my nature I guess. If I see food in front of me, I eat it. […]

The Road Trip to Hell

Operation Ruin Ely’s Life Much like the compulsion I felt when orchestrating the Fake Bachelor Party the day-to-day corporate lifestyle began to take a toll on me. Wake up, get verbally abused just to come home to zero female companionship. A shakeup was needed. Nay, a revitalizing event […]

Make Carbs Great Again!

It’s difficult to even grasp my mind around what a shaming society we have become. Weather its some shit talking hipster cowering behind a computer or my own damn father advising me not to eat that third hamburger, we’ve gotten out of control. For starters, grow up, dad. […]